When a divorce or dissolution of marriage is brought before the family court, child visitation is considered at the same time and according to similar factors as child custody. The term stands for the time in which the non-custodial parent is allowed to meet or visit with his/her child. However, under certain circumstances a parent can be denied child visitation or child custody in the case of sole physical custody. Child visitation is often associated with the term “parenting plan,” which typically outlines the type of legal custody and physical custody of each parent and can also define when the child is to visit or be with the non-custodial parent. Parents can reach such an agreement on their own, this is the best case, or the court can decide on this matter, which is often the worst case scenario.

Typically, the best situation for a child in a divorce, child custody, and child visitation matter is when both parents manage to solve their personal differences to reach an agreement or parenting plan or child visitation schedule out of court. In this case, any agreements reached between both parents can become the parenting plan. When a parenting plan is created and child visitation and child custody issues are resolved, it may not require anymore matters to be brought to the court even if the child is very young. A decade ago, the family courts would often give infant visitation guidelines preventing the non-custodial parent from spending a lot of time with his/her child. Such provisions are not valid anymore, but rather frequent and continuous contact with both parents is encouraged. Off court agreements does not necessarily need to be translated in a written contract and signed by both parents. However, parents may be well advised to have a written and signed parenting plan for future reference in case a child custody or child visitation dispute arises. It can also be used as a stipulation between both parties and then issued as a court order for future enforcement purposes.

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Now, what if the parents are not able to reach an agreement on child visitation or child custody? Both parents will often be required to participate in a mediation process before having a court hearing or before a judge hears the case. Typically, the two parents will be assisted to work out a parenting plan by a third-party or mediator, who can be an experienced attorney or social worker. Many child visitation and child custody issues find a happy ending through mediation sessions resulting in a parenting plan agreement, which can then be presented as a stipulation ad then as a court order.

Generally, the worst case is when mediation fails. In this situation, the next step is typically for a court hearing in order to solve the issues. Judges nowadays often require custody evaluations of the family by experts in the field of child psychiatry, psychology or mental health. Licensed social workers can also be called to present evidence for consideration by the court. Once all pieces of evidence have been presented, the court will typically make its decision. This is the worst case child custody and child visitation dispute method because it can be very complex, expensive, and long-draw out. In some highly contested child custody and child visitation cases, child custody and child visitation disputes will eventually result in denying child custody and child visitation rights to one of the parent.

© 2007 Child Custody Coach

Child Custody Coach supplies information, online materials, and coaching services to parents in the field of child custody, namely, divorce, child custody and visitation, child custody evaluations, 730 evaluations, parenting, and all issues related to child custody and divorce. “How to Win Child Custody – Proven Strategies that can Win You Custody and Save You Thousands in Attorney Cost!” is a unique child custody strategy guide written by The Custody Coach and made available by Child Custody Coach in an easy to read, understand, and apply E-Book format. Custody Match is an online consumer and family law attorney matching service to help you in your search for the right attorney for your divorce or child custody case. Custody Match can help you find the right family law attorney, divorce lawyer, or child custody attorney in your area.

Adoption in England and Wales is governed completely by statute. On 30 December 2005, the principle statute governing adoption, the was fully implemented. It represents the most radical overhaul of adoption law for 26 years, replacing the outdated thereby making the child’s welfare paramount and modernising the entire legal framework for domestic and inter-country adoption. The law on adoption is now in a much better position then it used to be, thanks to the ten years worth of reform proposals.

 

“In December 2000 the Government published a White Paper on adoption (Adoption – a new approach; Cm 5017, Department of Health, December 2000). This set out the Government’s plans to promote greater use of adoption, improve the performance of the adoption service, and put children at the centre of the adoption process. The White Paper built on the proposals of the Prime Minister’s Adoption Review, which were published for consultation in July 2000 (Prime Minister’s Review: Adoption; Performance and Innovation Unit, July 2000). The White Paper included a commitment to introduce new adoption legislation in 2001.

 

The Government believes that the interests and welfare of a child (throughout his/her life) should be the focus of the adoption since it has lifelong implications. For this purpose the Act makes the welfare of the child the paramount consideration for courts and adoption agencies in decision-making relating to adoption. The has updated the law to align adoption law with the . The Act has improved performance of adoption services and promotes greater use of adoption for looked after children. The Act also introduces some amendments to the . A feature of these amendments, contained in is the range of alternatives to adoption that might nevertheless provide varying degrees of permanence and legal certainty. ‘[1]

 

Foremost, the Act aims to encourage more people to apply to adopt and build confidence in the adopter assessment process. The Government is now committed to provide an independent review where an adoption agency intends to turn down a prospective adopter’s application. The Act also includes powers enabling the appropriate Minister to establish a mechanism, which may be run by an independent body, to review qualifying adoption agency’s determinations. The intention is that the independent review mechanism will review, at a prospective adopter’s request, applications that adoption agencies have indicated they are not in favour. It is also intended to use the independent review mechanism to review qualifying adoption agency determinations about the disclosure of information concerning a person’s adoption. The mechanism could be used to review other determinations made by adoption agencies. This places a duty on local authorities to make arrangements for the provision of adoption support services, as specified in regulations. This duty will be used to deliver the new framework for adoption support services (including financial support) It also provides a new right to request and receive an assessment of needs for adoption support services. The assessment will link with other local authority functions and local education authorities and health services, where such needs are identified, with the aim of identifying a coordinated package of support to help adoptions succeed.[2]  Adoption is defined like so by Wikipedia as:

 

‘A process whereby a person assumes the parenting for another who is not their child and, in so doing, permanently transfers all rights and responsibilities from the original parent or parents’.

 

Under the new act, the effect of an adoption order is still to irrevocably transfer the child from one family to another by severing the ties between the biological family and the child. I feel the new Act is to a large extent fair as one of its main aims are to enable more children to be adopted, mainly by relaxing the pre-requirements of potential adopters. It therefore becomes a more child centered system. It looks at ensuring birth parents understand the impact of consenting to an adoption. In takes into account the length of time disputes take to be settled and looks to resolving them early so that adoption itself does not become a fait accompli. Previously children had next to no say on adoption proceedings. Today the voice of the child can be heard through reports to the court. Now there is also an effective case management system to reduce delay in the decision making process.

 

They propose to achieve these aims through proceedings under the Act which are subject to the overriding objectiveset out in of enabling the court to deal with cases justly, and is expressed to include that: [3]

·         Parties are on an equal footing           
·         Cases are dealt with in ways which are proportionate to the importance and complexity of issues
·         Cases are dealt with expeditiously and fairly
·         Cases are allotted an appropriate share of court resources

 

This is also in line with the no delay principle under the . . It is also emphasized by the ‘paramountcy principle’

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which obliges the court and agency to make decisions on whether to dispense with the consent of the birth parent if deemed incapable on grounds such as mental illness. It also obliges the court or adoption agency to consider that in general any delay is likely to prejudice the child. of the Act provides a welfare checklist tailored to the particular circumstances of adoption that must be adhered to by the court and adoption agencies. In doing so, the Act aligns adoption legislation with the relevant provisions of the .

 

obliges the Court to consider that delay in decision-making is likely to prejudice the welfare of the child. This provision is further supported by which imposes a duty on the court to manage cases by drawing up a timetable and giving directions for the purpose of ensuring that the timetable is adhered to. Avoidance of delay is further ensured by the which provide a procedural code for the operation of the Adoption and Children Act in all three tiers of court in England and Wales. [4]

 

The role played by judges can be seen in placement orders, which involve the child living with his or her prospective adopters for a specific period that acts as a trial run. The judges are expected to communicate closely with adoption agencies and local authorities and ensure that the child is placed with suitable and capable parents, taking into account special needs like learning or physical disabilities. If the child has physical disabilities, is the home the child is being placed in conducive for his or her growth? Does the family the child is being placed with have sufficient financial resources to cater to the child’s learning needs?

 

The children will only be placed (more permanent nature) if the criteria are met. For instance what impact would a ten year Chinese speaking Asian child have if he or she was placed in the home of say an English speaking American family, as opposed to a situation where an infant of Chinese origin is placed with that same English speaking American family? In terms of language and communication the infant would definitely be able to adjust better as opposed to the older ten year old child.

 

The discretion of the judges arises where parental consent is a concern before placement and or adoption orders are made. Judges can order the removal of a child from the custody of his or her biological parents even if they disagree. An example of this would be when the parent(s) is or are incapacitated. Another example would be if a parent is unfit to be the care giver of his or her child, especially so for drug dependents or other deviants. Judges also have the discretion to determine post adoption visiting rights in spite of whether adopters agree or disagree. Most adopters prefer the child to have a clean break, and prefer not having any form much less regular interferences from the biological or birth parents. After all isn’t adoption the severance of biological ties? But then again this may not be in the best interest of the child, since the well being of the child is of paramount importance in the .

 

An illustration of the discretionary role the judges possess can be found in the following case, Re S (Adoption Order or Special Guardianship Order)[5], where a post adoption contract with the birth parents is desirable if both parties have agreed to maintain the right to visitation. The Court of Appeal pointed out that special guardianship orders fall within the and the well known provisions of act apply to them. The child’s welfare shall be the court’s paramount consideration. The court must show due regard to his ascertainable wishes and feelings, his physical, emotional and educational needs, the likely effect on him of any change in his circumstances, his age, sex, background and relevant characteristics. if not also caused by any harm which he has suffered, and how capable each of his parents, and any other relevant person, is of meeting his needs. There is a halfway house position when the court considers that an adoption order should not be granted against the welfare of the child, and where a guardianship order or a residents order will better protect the child’s welfare. Judgment was given in this case alongside the case of 6] and the case of  Re MJ where both were dealing with the same point of law. Where in was an appeal by a mother against an order placing her child for adoption with her half-sister. She argued that the half-sister should be appointed as special guardian instead. The appeal was dismissed. Whereas in it was an appeal by parents against an order dispensing with the need for their. consent to adoption on the grounds that it was being unreasonably withheld. The appeal was dismissed.

 

There is also the case of (adoption leave provision) where the responsibility of the birth parents is not extinguished until the final adoption order is makes it impossible to get back custody of the child.

 

Now there is a new question of whether an adoption has withstood the challenge posed by the European convention of human rights and fundamental freedoms? Will adoption stand in the face of the brave new world of human rights or will it solemnly retreat?

of the European Convention on Human Rights provides:[8]

 

1. Everyone has the right to respect for his private and family life …

2. There shall be no interference by a public authority with the exercise of this right except such as in accordance with the law and is necessary in a democratic society … for the protection of health or morals, or for the protection of the rights and freedoms of others.

 

enshrines the right to a fair and public hearing within a reasonable time by an independent and impartial tribunal.[9]

 

The human rights issues arise due to the fact that adoption in itself is the severing of all ties between adopted children and their biological parents. What then happens to the right to one’s family life? The biological parents may not want their ties to be severed. Occasions like these usually entail a situation where a child is removed from the custody of his/her parents due to the fact that they are pronounced incompetent to be parents. It’s not just the parents whose rights are in question because even the child does not have an absolute say in adoption proceedings. The final decision making power still lies with the judiciary. Example .[10] where the father was not informed of the proceeding because the mothers request for confidentiality carried more weight.

 

On the surface there appears to be a breach of human rights, but these breaches have been justified by the spirit and intendment of the Act, hitting the ball right back home to the doorstep of the child’s welfare. At the point in time when the adoption proceedings are taking place, the child may not be mature enough to make a decision of such magnitude. Therefore, the courts take this heavy burden upon themselves with advice from adoption agencies and local authorities.

 

To make up for this apparent breach in human rights, the has made provisions to enable adopted children from closed adoptions a way to get in touch with biological family members. Once eighteen years of age, adopted children may obtain an original copy of their birth certificate from the adoption agencies that placed them and the local authorities that oversaw it. Also the Registrar General is required to maintain an ‘adopted children’s register where relatives of the adopted child can leave messages for him or her This has been encouraged for the following reasons:

 

allowing them to do so gives them a sense of self. Knowing their past helps them settle into the future
Knowledge of genetic history has proven useful especially where there are any health concern.
Knowing about their birth parents helps obtain a sense of cultural identity.

 

Despite the fact that there is such an overwhelming need for a loving and supportive family unit, the need for this piece of legislation would seem like a no-brainer. However, there still are concerns about the erosion of family values with regards to the potential parents’ sexual orientation, gender identity or marital status. There is a small section of society that doesn’t think and or feel its morally or religiously justified for homosexual couples to adopt as it sends out the wrong message, and appears to be promoting a sinful way of life. There are others still who feel single parents shouldn’t be allowed to adopt because the ‘family unit picture becomes flawed’ since in their minds its not a family if it doesn’t consist of a ‘mummy and a daddy’. I, on the other hand am of the view that having people to love you and care for you, people to call family and a place to call home is far greater then who these people are and what their sexual orientation or gender is, or how many of them there are. Better one parent then none.

 

In a nutshell, the is to a large extent fair. However, the implementation of the law does raise some human rights issues which on the whole is fairly justified from a family values perspective. I believe every child deserves a family.

CASES:

Re S (Adoption Order or Special Guardianship Order) [2007] 1 FLR

Re AJ [2007] EWCA Civ 55

Re MJ [2007] EWCA Civ 56

PC and S v UK (2002)

TREATIES:

SECONDARY SOURCES:

Family Law, University of London Subject Guide, R. Jago, 2008

Palgrave & McMillian Core Statutes Family Law

http://www.dcsf.gov.uk/everychildmatters/safeguardingandsocialcare/childrenincare/adoption/childrenact2002/act2002/

Her Majesty Courts Service : A Quick Guide to the Adoption and Children Act (2002)

Deborah Cullen, Secretary to the Legal Group, British Agencies for Adoption & Fostering (http://www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed340)

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violence_topic.asp?section=0001000100220002§ionTitle=Children

 

[1] www.booksites.net/download/brammer/student_files/…/adoption.doc

[2] http://www.opsi.gov.uk/acts/acts2002/en/

[3] Her Majesty Courts Service: A quick guide to Adoption and Children Act (2002)

[4] www.ag.gov.au/agd/…Paramountcy…/13+Jan+Paramountcy.pdf

[5] [2007] 1 FLR                                                                                                                  

[6] [2007] EWCA Civ 55

[7] [2007] EWCA Civ 56

[8] http://www.murraystable.com/news-articles/articles/adoption-human-rights-seminar-paper

[9] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/European_Convention_on_Human_Rights

[10] (2002)

When a couple gets a legal separation, it is a lot like a divorce.  It will involve the same process of filing papers with the court to start a legal action. The court will then have to make the decisions about where the children will live, debts, and assets in a divorce.  At the end of the process, the parties are legally separated instead of being actually divorced.  This means that they are still married but not responsible for each other and what the other party does.

A legal separation is the best thing to do in the last stages of couples not getting along.  It can be a way of taking a break and finding out what each party wants.  There is no reason to rush into getting divorce for some people and it is a decision that has to be well thought out just as the marriage should have been.  

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Sometimes when people are on a legal separation, they will try and work things out.  However, there are some cases, where it will not work and the parties’ involved want to get a divorce.  One year after the legal separation is granted, one of the parties can petition to convert the separation to a divorce.  They can do this without further hearings and the other party cannot prevent it from happening.  People will sometimes prefer the separation instead of a divorce because of their religious beliefs or for insurance purposes.

If the party then decides to get a divorce, it will terminate their marriage.  In order to do that, parties involved will go to court and decide how to handle questions of the children and how to divide their marital property.  Each party is going to be responsible for one half of the marital debts.  

Marital property is anything that the couple bought while they were married.  It does not matter whose name the property is in or who actually purchased it.  Bank accounts, pensions, and stocks are marital property even if they are held in one name only.  Property brought into the marriage is still marital depending on the length of the marriage and what type of property it is.  The court will be as fair as it can and sometimes the parties involved will make the right choices about being fair in the divorce.  

It is always a good thing when a couple can make the appropriate decisions about how things should be split up before actually going to court.  Both parties should have attorneys and this will help things progress along without having to worry about any legalities.  This is the best way to protect each party’s assets and to make sure that the proceedings are fair.  

Divorce Lawyers For Women Roanoke Virginia:Child Support
by www.DivorceAttorneysRoanokeVa.com

For the most part, child support payments are used for the ordinary expenses of food, shelter, clothing, education and medication needs for the children only. When determining an award of child support, a court in Roanoke Virginia will look at all relevant facts upon the following issues:

The Needs of the children are a top concern for the courts in Roanoke, VA. For example, a child with a medical condition or a developmentally disabled child will often require a higher level of child support than a healthy child.

The Age of the Children is also a consideration when determining child support payments in Roanoke VA. Infants and younger children often cost less to support than older children, however daycare costs, which can be significant, will also be taken into account. Older children have many varying needs, and are looked at on a case by case basis.

The ability of the non custodial parent to pay is also a consideration when the judge in Roanoke VA calculates child support. The court is limited in awarding child support by the ability of a parent to pay based on income from all sources. The new spouse’s earnings are only applicable if they are hiding assets or the paying parent is pleading that they are unable to pay due to debts or custodial parent is trying to show voluntary impoverishment. Generally your ability to pay does not include calculations of bills and debts such as car payments, credit cards, or any other non-essential item.

The earning capacity of the custodial parent will be taken in to account when calculating the amount of child support. Both parents have the responsibility to support their children, not just the parent paying child support. Thus, the earnings or earning capacity of the custodial parent will also be considered when determining child support levels. The custodial parent is not off the hook financially just because they have been awarded custody.

The Other Responsibilities of the Parents are also considered by the judge in Roanoke Virginia. The other lawful responsibilities of both parents will also be looked into in determining child support. For example, if the non custodial parent is paying child support from a previous marriage (a common occurrence these days), the court will take that obligation into consideration. Necessities of life, such as rent and food will also be taken into account by the court. However, the court will not reduce child support payments to make it easier for the parent to pay discretionary obligations or luxuries. For example, a parent cannot provide for a charity or buy an expensive car at the expense of providing for his or her own children.

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To assist the court in determining the proper amount of support, both parties will be required by the court to prepare a financial declaration that is signed under penalty of perjury. Each parent will be required to fully disclose their income (from all sources), the nature and extent of their property holdings such as bank accounts, investments and real-estate and their financial responsibilities. The court will rely heavily on these documents in making the order and thus it is in the best interests of the children that the declarations be filled out completely and honestly.

Child support hearings are often adversarial, and sometimes confrontational. That means that when the parents cannot agree on the support order, (sometimes after compelling mediation), the court will hold a hearing to decide the issue. (This is sometimes done in the chambers of the judge in Roanoke as a conference.) At the hearing, each spouse (or their lawyer) will have the opportunity to cross examine the other on issues relevant to the support issue and each can subpoena documents and call witnesses to support his or her position as to the amount of child support that should be paid. Child support orders can also be appealed, although the likelihood of success is very slim.

The Virginia legislature has passed a law making it mandatory for the courts to use Child Support guidelines in all cases in which child support is sought. Although use of the guidelines is mandatory and there is a presumption that the guidelines amount is the correct amount to be awarded, the presumption is rebuttable. However, you must complete the guidelines and show the presumptive amount and then explain the rebuttal in the comments section of the guidelines. Parents cannot agree to waive a parent’s child support obligation.

The reason for the implementation of the Guidelines is that the General Assembly has decided that “the law and policy of this State is that the child’s best interest is of paramount importance and cannot be altered by the parties. A parent has a legal obligation to provide support for the child [in proportion to their gross earnings].”

The mathematical computation to determine the Guideline amount is fairly simple. The Legislature provided a form which must be followed:

Determine the gross monthly income of each parent.

a. Minus: alimony and child support paid to a third party and alimony paid in this case;
b. Minus: medical insurance paid for the child;
c. Plus: alimony paid in this case
d. Deductions from Monthly Gross Income allowable by law
e. Equals the adjusted income.

Determine the percentage: (Divide the mother’s Adjusted Income by the Combined Total Adjusted Income. Divide the father’s Adjusted Income by the Combined Total Adjusted Income.)

Obtain the basic child support amount from the table

Add to the table amount (if relevant):

a. work related child care;
b. extraordinary medical expenses;
c. and educational expenses;

Equals the total support obligation

Multiply the total support obligation by each parent’s percentage share of income (line 2). This is the presumed correct amount of child support. The noncustodial parent can also take a deduction for health care coverage when paid directly by the noncustodial parent.

There is a separate form for situations where the parents share physical custody of the children

To Learn More Answers To Questions Like This, Visit Us Online at http://www.DivorceAttorneysRoanokeVa.com and obtain a copy of your FREE Report How To Survive A Divorce

Father’s Rights have come a long way since even just a decade ago.  When I started with clients 20 years ago, I dealt with a lot of fathers that felt used and abused by their ex-wife, her attorney, and the courts.  But knowing that you’re not alone in your fight for custody and fair child support payments can be a considerable help when it comes to getting on your feet and fighting for your rights.

With the internet and increased communication all over the nation, it is easier now than ever to connect with other fathers who have been in the same boat as you.  Thousands of dads have taken their ex-wives to court to fight for custody of their children, lowered child support payments, and fair division of property with their ex.  And when you want to learn something, who better to learn it from than from someone who has been there, done that. 

When you’re dealing with your ex-wife and her attorney in divorce court, you may have the overwhelming feeling that the whole world is against you.  You might think that all judges are pro-mother, all courts are against fathers raising their kids, and that everyone thinks you’re just a cheapskate or a deadbeat dad if you want your child support obligations lowered.  But we all know that that is not the case.

Remember, many fathers have been in the exact same position you’re in.  At times, they have felt hopeless, emotionally and financially drained, and stuck.  But knowing the system and how to manipulate it in your favor will drastically increase your chances of getting what you want–and more!–from your divorce court settlement.

Usually times when a couple goes through a divorce, the case will become a tumultuous affair. While grandparents aren’t sometimes thought of within the custody proceedings, there might be times that they can petition the courts for visitation rights if the couple will not agree on certain matters.
If you have got been given grandparents rights to visitation, you will want to create positive you exercise those rights and fight to determine your grandchildren, particularly in a very time they might need you them most. Here are some ideas of how you’ll be able to get the foremost out of it slow allowed.
Relying on the circumstances of how you were awarded your grandparents rights, the relatives could not be stable. If you have had to participate in court to defend the rights of your grandchildren against one among the child’s oldsters, who in flip might be your own kid; there might very otherwise be some resentment and anger issues rising to the surface. Make sure that you just keep on with the days you were appointed from the courts to determine your grandchildren. Never begin a squabble in front of your grandchildren no matter any unwell feelings you or your own kid might have.
Never speak sick of the fogeys to your grandchildren. Instead pay the time you’ve got with them, sharing in their likes and making it a time where they’ll be stress free if only for awhile. some folks could think that grandparents rights aren’t as important as their own. It is your job to create positive that for the sake of your grandchildren, you’ll still be a part of their life to supply support and comfort at a time they’ll would like you the most. Depending on your state of residence and what the terms of your court agreement were, you’ll have a lot of time or less time than you had before your child divorced and your lives where spun into turmoil.
Making positive that you utilize each moment you’ll be able to to help your grandchildren cope, modify and remain emotionally stable, can be a key factor in the longer term of their lives and the way they relate to a family of their own. You have the chance to be a hero for your grandchildren. In a very time where folks are a lot of than seemingly trash talking every different, trying to prove they’re the higher parent by working too exhausting, or perhaps changing into withdrawn unable to house their own emotions; they may be oblivious to the emotional roller coaster ride their own children endure. Exercising your grandparents rights by being offered in any method possible, by phone, email, online chat or in person at any time your grandchildren might want to talk, or simply commemorate, ought to be a top priority to indicate how a lot of they mean to you.
To remain robust and provide the simplest support for your grandchildren you’ll, you may wish to join a forum with different grandparents who are seeking their grandparents rights for visitation and sharing their hopes, ideas and experiences. You can simply do a Google search to seek out a few. Once you’ve got learned different coping strategies used by others, you may realize the peace and strength to help be the simplest support for your grandchildren.

When parents divorce, in most cases one of the parents is given custody and the other parent is given visitation rights. The visitation schedule can vary according to each parents needs. A standard visitation agreement allows the non-custodial parent to see the children every other weekend with holiday’s split between the two parents. For example, one parent will have the children on Thanksgiving one year and the other one will have the child the next year. Judges always determine the custody and visitation agreements. The standard measuring tool is “what’s in the best interest of the child.” In recent years, judges have been just as agreeable to awarding custody to the fathers and visitation rights to the mothers.

In Georgia, grandparents have been awarded visitation rights as have step-parents who had a close bond with the child at the time they were married to the child’s parent.  Again, as long as the judge finds the visitation is in the best interest of the child, visitation is often awarded in these circumstances.

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A judge may grant supervised visitation in certain circumstances that include:

Allegations of domestic abuse against the parent. Allegations of mental cruelty against the child. Fear that the other parent would attempt to violate the custody order by kidnapping the child. In some cases where there is a great deal of conflict between the parties.

The supervisors may be a social worker but in many cases a family friend or relative observes the visitation. Usually the visitation is restricted to a certain place and time.

For a court to deny visitation to a parent, it must be determined that the child would be harmed in some way by continuing to have a relationship with the parent. This could be because of abuse allegations or because of criminal or immoral activity. In most cases, the court will not deny visitation permanently but will order the non-custodial parent to meet certain obligations.

Often a parent will deny the other parent visitation rights. This is a violation of a court order and the other parent can be charged with contempt. First, the parent who was denied visitation must file for modification of visitation. Unfortunately, this can take several weeks to move through the court system before the parent has his or her visitation rights destroyed.

Most people view relationships as being outside of self.  The problem with this is all relationships begin with us not with others.  We must develop an effective relationship with self before we can extend out to connecting with others.  We had a good relationship with self when we were born.  In 24,999 out of 25,000 births the relationship with self was compromised at birth or by the time we were four years old.  The major conflict started with mother. (We are not blaming mother, she did the best she could working under the basic dysfunctional relationship with herself she inherited from her mother.  She just happens to be the person you identified with as your primary care giver in the first five years of your life.)

Functional relationships do not happen very often.  More than likely your mother did not have an effective relationship with self or her husband. Unfortunately your relationship with self began to break down shortly after birth. She probably was not able to bond with you at birth either. 95% of the time you had a traumatic birth experience because the doctors either do not want to recognize birth without violence or they are ignorant there is a better more loving way to bring a baby into this world.

So where are we in finding the right path in this jungle of dysfunctional behavior patterns?  Mother did not know what love was so how could she demonstrate this to you?  Along with all the other rejection feelings you may have had plus feeling mother was withholding love from you, your relationship with self began to break down.   It deteriorated into self rejection feeling not accepted rather than self acceptance. The more you tried to get love and recognition from mother, the more you felt rejected because she became irritated then became angry because she could not control your behavior. As a result you became angry at her for rejecting your need for love and recognition. When you realized that to push for love was getting you nowhere accept more rejection you gave up and backed down in most cases.  You finally gave up by the time you were four years old.  So, by four years of age you decided that mother was right and you did not know what love was.  At this point any concentrated form of attention was interpreted as love because you wanted recognition and acceptance.

As a result you grew up thinking love was acceptance in any form.  Hearing all the different definitions of love in the movies, on TV and music you began to accept love was external so you used your body to get love and acceptance and recognition.  Did you ever wonder why so many young girls get in trouble with sex?  Many times they accepted sexual relationships as being love.  Girls became misdirected thinking they had to have attractive bodies to be acceptable and get recognition.  As a result we find many have bulimia and anorexia eating disorders.  Others who can not reduce their weight go into self rejection and depression.  Many men will not even try to approach relationships for fear of rejection. They live a solitary life or become workaholics.  It is a sad story when you realize most people are functioning under false beliefs.  I seen reports of young girls are asking for plastic surgery to increase the size of their breasts at fourteen years old.

Relationships with self must be to the point where you can accept the seven qualities of love and make them work for yourself.   This means that you have to allow yourself to validate yourself.   Most people are looking for and trying to get outside validation to make themselves feel all right about them selves.  If others see me as all right then I must be all right.   One the outward signs if this taking over and commandeering conversations or over talking others by raising your voice to stop them from speaking.   Our mind will do this if we do not feel all right about ourselves.  Then it will make the assumption if people allow me to do this then I am acknowledged and being accepted.  One of the major challenges we have in communication is incongruent messages.  If we are working from a place of not feeling good about ourselves we will send this message out what I call meta-communication. It is a communication our mind sends out that is nonverbal.  Most people may not know they are picking up the message yet they will act on it without knowing what is causing them to take or make a decision to do something. We must clear the incongruent messages our mind is sending out if we expect to get acceptance and validation.  It may take some work to delete all the files.

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If your parents had an effective relationship with themselves and each other then there is a possibility they have could helped you build an effective relationship with yourself.  If you were the exception who had parents that either came from a functional family or they recognized the mistakes their parents made then you may have the opportunity to grow up in a functional family.  If your parents recognized the conflicts which caused them to be imprinted with negative behavior or you choose to stop the vicious circle then you may understand the process of reparenting.  If your parents were able to recognize this viscous circle of handing off their parents dysfunctional relationship to their children you were fortunate to have parents with vision and awareness.  As you can see from many examples it does not guarantee you will have successful relationships unless you have cleared all the skeletons in your closet.

At this point what you start to recognize is that most people play roles in their life to meet their needs.   One of the major roles people play is Father/Daughter and Mother/Son.   As you recover your lost self and grow up again you can see how you may have fell into that role.   Partnerships in these roles fall apart as one partner begins to see they do not want to play that role any longer.   If both Partners can grow up that is great but it usually does not happen.   On the other hand many times partners break up with out ever finding out why the partnership did not work.  They go out looking for a new partner, yet they find the same person with different cloths and a different name but with the same behavior patterns.  Since they did not explore the reasons why the first one did not work they will end up in and ill fated partnership again which will fall apart due to not evaluating the situation which caused the breakup in the beginning.  Everybody has different experiences, yet they are all similar in nature.  Our mind is a very complex computer.  It will make decisions for us until we take control back.  Most of the time, the decisions are not what we would do if we had control.  This is why I say most people have similar experiences as everybody has the same mind set that makes all the same decisions until we get in control of our mind set and behavior patterns.

To get to these programs we have to go through our minds files like peeling an onion.  Each layer will reveal another layer below it.  When we peel most of them off then we begin to take control of our life.   As we move into more control we can empower ourselves to work from a point of power rather than fear.  Once we have understood and been able to apply the concepts of the qualities of love to ourselves then we have to begin by applying them in our relationships with other people.  It is almost amazing how people will respond to us when we have a congruent message coming from our own mind.  As we remove all the behavior patterns that caused us to act out in the need for control we find that we do not need control any longer since nobody is threatening us any longer.  It was all a perceived threat not a real threat.  We find we can cooperate with others with no need to be in control.  As we move into this new space of comfort we find that we begin to release stress.  There really is not any stress there are only stressful people.   When you do not react to the stress it does not affect you.  As you move from the place of neediness you begin to demand that people treat you in a different way.  It is not like becoming pushy an outwardly demanding respect you just begin to avoid people who are not operating in your reality.  It is almost like you view the situation and if it does not meet your needs you drop it and say next.  There is no need to make an issue out of it. If the shoe does not fit discard it.  You are now becoming more comfortable in your life because nothing is driving you for acceptance and validation.  It fits better with no awkwardness.  You do not have to play roles to get acceptance.  You have a lot more energy because you are not  fighting with yourself to play a role to fit in.

In reparenting ourselves we discover all the imprinted programs which we received from our parents which set up the roles we play.  So we get to the point of asking ourselves. “Whose life are we living?  A replay of our parents or the life we choose to live.”   Usually we find it sure is not the life we thought we were living.  The Native American “said you can not understand my life unless you have walked in my moccasins for a month”

Now that we have grown up we can take our power back, take responsibility and start on the path to a new life.   The choice is yours are you ready for peace, happiness, harmony, joy, unconditional love and abundance in your life?   There area lot of bridges to cross and many boulders to push out of the path, yet I know you can do if you apply yourself to the task. It can be a smooth transition or a very long complicated ordeal if you chose to make it this way.  It all depends on your willingness to let go of the past.  All it takes is the ability to forgive and accept your caregivers who wrote programs into your data base.  Many times they did it without knowing what they were doing.  Now that you have released them you are living your life.