Of course, it goes without saying that it is in the best interests of children when both parents are actively involved in their lives. Typically, children who have both parents raising them are more successful in many areas, including their academics. Unfortunately, due to divorce and circumstances such as parents living in different cities or states, one parent is excluded from involvement in their child’s school life. Often it seems that the father is the parent who does not feel needed or welcome in their child’s school world. Fathers are many times unaware of school happenings such as teacher-parent conferences, report card dates, or special events at the school. Research supports that when the non-resident father is even marginally involved in their child’s school life, the student is more likely to participate in extra-curricular activities, receive better grades, and enjoy school more.

Working with Non-Resident Fathers – A Guide for Educators of Children , a pamphlet published by Separated Parenting Access and Resource Center (SPARC), a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting the best interest of children in custody and divorce proceedings, is an excellent resource for the parent who feels out of the loop when it comes to their child’s school life.

It is filled with practical tips for the non-custodial parent as well as suggestions for teachers and school administrators. If you are feeling uninvolved in school activities, contact, or if possible, visit your child’s school to meet with his or her teacher to be sure that you will receive mailings and or emails about your child’s progress, as well as information about upcoming events. Ask about the school’s website and calendar as a way of keeping informed about what is happening. Many teachers have their own web-pages and keep grades and other pertinent information on line for parents to access.

If you are a school administrator or teacher, this pamphlet should be a definite read for you. It is chalk full of useful suggestions to make sure that you are doing all that you can do to include both parents so that the end result is that you have happy, involved, engaged children who are ready to learn.

To go to the SPARC website, click here. To read the publication, Working with Non-Resident Fathers – A Guide for Educators of Children, click here.

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From the Ohio Family Law Blog:

Fans of football in general, but more particularly fans of the West Virginia University Mountaineers and the Cincinnati Bengals, mourn the untimely loss of Chris Henry on December 17, 2009.  He was just twenty-six (26) years of age.  Henry had a stellar career as a wide receiver at West Virginia University and was drafted by the Cincinnati Bengals in the third (3rd) round of the 2005 draft.  He had some notable off-the-field problems and at least five (5) legal-related incidents but was seemingly back on track with both his football career and life when he sustained an injury to his forearm in mid-season of 2009.  During the Cincinnati-Baltimore game, Chris sustained a fracture to his left forearm and was thereafter placed on the “injured reserve” list.

On the evening of Wednesday, December 16, 2009, there was an incident described as a “domestic dispute” involving Henry and his fiancé, Loleini Tonga. Reports say that Ms. Tonga was attempting to leave a residence in North Carolina when Henry jumped into the bed of the pick-up truck she was driving.  Henry was later thrown from the bed of the truck.  He sustained massive head injuries and died the next morning.

Many legal questions remain.  I shall address them in chronological order:

• It will be most important to determine if Chris Henry had a Last Will and Testament or any other estate planning documents to protect Loleini Tonga and their children. Most persons at the age of twenty-six (26) believe they are invincible and do not need to have estate planning documents in place.
• His fiancé, Loleini Tonga, has no legal rights to anything in his estate, absent a Will, as she was not married to Chris Henry at the time of his death.  As a fiancé of Chris Henry, she has no rights to inherit from his estate unless he provided for her in a Will or a Living Trust document.
• There are reported to be three (3) children that Chris Henry and his fiancé were raising; some news articles indicate that he was the father of only two of them.  If Chris Henry is the biological Father of the children, had paternity been established?  Loleini Tonga would not be eligible to receive Social Security benefits on behalf of the children until or unless paternity is established.  And, now that Chris Henry is deceased, his fiancé may have to try to establish paternity of the three (3) children through the appropriate Juvenile Court in order to seek Social Security benefits on their behalf.  If the children are not born as issue of Chris Henry and Ms. Tonga’s relationship, his estate would not be responsible for them unless Henry had estate planning documents in place to address that issue. More specifically, his will could have specified who he would designate to serve as guardian of the person and/or estate of any minor children he might leave at the time of his death.  His will or trust could also have named a trustee to manage assets on his children’s behalf until they attained an appropriate age to take control themselves over the funds.

Recommendations:

1. If children are born out of wedlock, take immediate steps to establish paternity.  Parents cannot expect to receive child support benefits or Social Security benefits unless paternity is established and the biological father of the child or children has been identified and verified by Court Order.  Just signing the Birth Certificate is not enough to establish paternity in the State of Ohio.
2. If you are a man living in Ohio and believe that you may have impregnated a woman to whom you are not married, then you should consider registering with the Ohio Putative Father Registry.  This is an important step toward establishing paternity and protecting your rights if the mother should decide to put the child up for adoption.  Be sure to register before the child is a month old. Click here to learn more about the Registry and to link to the form that would need to be completed.
3. Regardless of your age, have a Last Will and Testament prepared to establish who shall inherit from you and to establish who shall be responsible for your minor children in the event of your premature demise.  In Ohio, anyone who is mentally competent over the age of eighteen (18) years old can execute a Will.
4. These recommendations are especially important if the fiancé/father is wealthy.  Loleini Tonga and the three (3) children she and Chris Henry were raising may now be in legal “limbo” until it is determined whether or not Chris provided for them in a Last Will and Testament (or other Trust documents) and if the paternity of the children in question had been legally established.

As a graduate of West Virginia University and a Bengal fan, I was personally saddened by his death. Coach Bill Stewart said, “Once a Mountaineer, always a Mountaineer … Chris was a big part of our success during his time here.  For me, he was a real joy to be around on a daily basis.  He came to work and loved to play football.” Bengal teammate Chad Ochocinco said, “My grandma always says you never question the man upstairs on decisions he makes. Everyone makes mistakes, but I don’t see how Chris was supposed to go already, especially when he was on the right path.”

His family shared last week that Chris is helping save the lives of others through organ donation. Life Center, a group that encourages and facilitates organ donation, said that Henry was an organ and cornea donor and that his organs were donated to at least five people. "When it’s a high-profile person or high-profile case, this really brings awareness that, wow, lives were saved as a result of something so tragic," said Andi Johnson, a representative of Life Center. If you are interested in more information on tissue and organ donation in Ohio, click here and you will be directed to the Donate Life Ohio website.

Remember, that each of us needs to have a plan and properly drawn estate planning documents which include how our assets should be distributed and whom we would want to raise our minor children in the event we were not able to do so.  Regardless of our age or physical prowess, none of us are “bullet proof.” It is very important to take all the appropriate steps to protect our loved ones and family members!

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When a couple decides their marriage is over, a tremendous sense of grief and relief are felt. A recently divorced person will feel grief over the loss of their marriage and the loss of their partner in life. But there is also a sense of relief that the pain and anguish is now over and their healing can begin. For couples without children divorce is a far simpler process. They are not continually seeing each other to bring up all those bad feelings over and over again. When children are involved parents must learn their new roles and coexist quickly to minimize the negative effects of divorce on children.

The effects of divorce on children can be very traumatic.

Some children blame themselves for the divorce, believing that they caused their parent’s divorce due to their bad behavior or not listening. Some children just shut down after the divorce and find it very difficult to express their feelings. Often they look as sad as they feel, withdrawing from friends and activities they once enjoyed.

The effects of divorce on children can harm their future.

The effects of divorce on children can be detrimental to their future relationships. Children sometimes feel betrayed by their parents, resulting in a mistrust of others. This inability to trust others hinders their ability to form intimate relationships.

Parents can minimize the effects of divorce on children

The good news is that the effects of divorce on children can be minimized by their parents. Parents can reassure their kids that the divorce is not their fault. It is also important for parents to make their child feel safe by reassuring their child that they are loved by both parents. It is also important to let your child know that parents do not divorce their children. Tell your child that you are available to answer any questions they might have about the divorce. The effects of divorce on children will be less severe if the couple is able to put aside their differences as much as possible and work together to provide a loving, safe and consistent environment in both parents homes.

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The following is an article from California divorce attorney Jean Mahserjian. Its recommendations about divorce preparation will offer guidance to anyone considering a divorce, no matter what state they live in. The article is as follows:

California divorce preparation could prove to be a complex task. You might be dismayed if your spouse reveals that he or she will seek a divorce. What is more, you might return home someday to an empty home and a note, with your spouse and kids having moved out. If that takes place, you may be entirely unable to undertake any California divorce and separation planning yourself.

On the other hand, your partner could have strategized properly and you could determine that belongings have been hidden away or expended over time, or that a transfer was thoughtfully organized using the aid of an advocate with the plan to control a spousal support dispute. Though that type of orchestrated sneaky prep goes on rarely, it does come about and should serve as an example to any person who is thinking over a California divorce and separation: prep and tactics are vital and had better be looked at by everyone.

To insure that you are undertaking the best California divorce preparation and applying the best legal tactics, you might need the aid of a lawyer. An experienced California domestic lawyer has seen it all. He or she has handled enough lawsuits to realize what maneuvers may be employed by their adversary, what maneuvers are effective, and what maneuvers would work for your family situation.

Engaging in tactics and planning does not have to mean that you are moving towards divorce or separation litigation. It signals that you are aware of the facts of the case and your objectives and you have carefully planned how to get where you want to go. A adept settlement negotiation doesn’t happen without quite a bit of thoughtfulness and preparation. Numbers of clients fail to see the real value that they obtained from their lawyer. As a matter of fact, some people will claim that they did every bit of work in compiling information or in obtaining information for their lawyer, just to be confronted with a significant bill, and they want to know why. The “why” is found in the California lawyer’s experience level and the lawyer’s capability in preparation of your tactics in order to obtain the resolution you requested.

The tactics and planning that you should undertake before starting a California divorce and separation are critical. There are some things that everybody will have to do, including obtaining all of your economic documents. Some preparation and tactical issues will be unique to your own matter, including, the facts of your married life and your situation at the time.

Notwithstanding your own circumstances, your preparation should be undertaken after a careful analysis of the pertinent facts and a thorough conversation about your goals with your lawyer.
Various people confronting the same circumstances could consider different California divorce plans simply because they are focused on different results. If settling your case amicably and avoiding litigation are significant to you, your lawyer may have to engage in different tactics than if you want a court to make the decisions. If your lawyer understands all of your facts and your particular goals, your lawyer should be able to work on an outline that should get you the results you want.

Since divorce and separation is typically a battle regarding income and assets, obtaining the relevant documents about your particular finances will be a very important task. It is imperative that you locate copies of at least the last several years income tax returns and your w-2 and your partner’s w-2 for every job. If those documents cannot be located, it is easy to obtain copies from the IRS.

If you want to undertake this secretly and you do not want your spouse to know that you are doing divorce preparation, request that those documents be delivered to your employment address, an acquaintance, or to the office of your lawyer.
An outline of the history of your marriage is important to other matters that your California divorce lawyer will need to consider. Many lawyers require that you create a chronicle to help them. If your lawyer does not require an outline, write one up anyway. The time spent on doing so can help your lawyer to address matters like fault, custody, and support, and it could save your lawyer time needed for preparation of your matter and thus, reduce the cost of your divorce.

The more time that you spend getting, and organizing important facts and documents for your California divorce and separation lawyer, the less effort you will spend in your lawyer’s office talking over those issues. That translates into less time spent with fact finding and more of your resources spent on tactics and preparation.

For information about Kentucky divorce, contact the Louisville Divorce Attorneys of Barrow & Weigel, PLLC.

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With advances in computer technology and DNA science, it seemed likely that a way would be found for the far-flung children of China to find their birth families. That day seemed far off in the future. However that day is here now, and it has arrived 20 years before I expected it. A new kind of internet website provides the means for adopting parents of children adopted from China to discover if their child has a sibling, half-sibling, cousin or other relative adopted anywhere in the world. In addition, birth parents in China will be able to search for their biological child who has been adopted by a family living somewhere in the world. While China adoptions are the largest example of what is now possible, it applies to every adoption in the world today. I don’t think it is an overstatement to say that this is the most startling development in the field of adoption information in the past 25 years.

There are two new kinds of sites in particular that seem useful to the adoption community. They are interesting because both kinds are the first of a new genre of websites. The first are DNA social networking sites; the second are primarily gene-decoding sites.

1. DNA Adoption Networking

DNA Adoption Networking is a part of a new internet service the New York Times has called Zygotic Social Networking. These networking services permit users to build a social network around shared genetic material. Similar to Facebook, users are able to post photos, update their profiles, blog, and send messages to each other. More importantly, for adoptive families they facilitate searches for relatives and allow members to compare genetic makeup.

Basically, you sign up with the service, do a cheek swab, send it in, and a portion of your genetic makeup gets compared to others on the databank. You or someone else (somewhere in the world) can then click on a map that shows a marker for every other member around the world who shares genetic markers found in your DNA profile.

Perhaps even more amazing is that the creators of these sites believe that we are only at the beginning of their abilities and usefulness. Experts believe that every new discovery in the field of genetics will provide the users with new information about their identities.

Who Would Use This Service?

A broad spectrum of the adoption community will be able to make use of these sites:

(i) Biological parents who placed a child for adoption (or perhaps abandoned a child) can search for their child worldwide with one registration.
(ii) When adopted children become teenagers or young adults, they often want to find out more about their roots. While they may not find their birth parents immediately, they may locate other relatives. In order to identify siblings, half-siblings, cousins or grandparents, it will be necessary for one of their biological parents to register on the site (At this time you need a parent to also register in order to say definitively that two relatives are siblings). Those relatives may turn up immediately or a decade or two later as new relatives register on the site.
(iii) Adopted Adults. Life is long, and at some point when adopted children have become adults, they frequently want to look for their roots. While adoptive parents today usually explain to their children that they were adopted, that has not always been the case, nor is it universally true. As a result, individuals registering on these sites, who had no idea that they were adopted, may be in for a surprise.
(iv) Adoptive parents who want to find siblings, birth parents, or other relatives of their adopted child can register their child. Parents registering children over 13 require the child’s agreement to do this. In fact, it appears that inquisitive adopted teenagers could likely register themselves if they have access to $149.
(v) Adoption Agencies may want to include information about DNA Adoption Networking in their adoption education programs. It’s a reality check for parents who state they want to adopt, but never want anything to do with the birth family and that’s why they want to adopt overseas. At some point their child may register and find relatives in other countries.

Not everyone involved in adoption will want to participate in this worldwide experiment in genealogical research. While most adopted children want to know who their biological parents are, this is not always true. However, for those who do want to know where their child is, or who their biological parent is, these websites are already producing results and matches. An ABC News video clip, which is accessed by a link on the GeneTree.com home page, includes an interview with an adopted adult who only knew his birth date and place, and subsequently found relatives in several parts of the world.

Since DNA Adoption Networking will essentially provide a worldwide adoption reunion registry, people should think carefully before registering. While anyone can use one of these sites, special precautions need to be taken when they are used by the adoption community. Some individuals may wish to obtain counselling before registering. Adoption Reunion Registries are located in most jurisdictions in North America and they frequently provide counselling to the parties both before and after a reunion.

What makes these sites so different from the sites described next is that no genetic information is given back to you (the participant).

2. DNA Gene Decoding Sites

The second type of service now on the web that will impact adoptions is the ability to decode your child’s DNA. Adoptive families will find this site useful for many reasons. Your child’s DNA is decoded, providing you with much valuable information. The experience is simultaneously unsettling, illuminating and empowering.

While these decoding sites provide the opportunity for DNA Adoption Networking, that seems to be a by-product of their main function, which is to decode your DNA. For the adoption world, services like this have extraordinary implications, including:

(i) In the majority of adoptions in the world, there is little or no information about the birth father. This includes domestic adoptions, as well as adoptions from other parts of the world. Decoding your child’s DNA will provide you with significant information about the birth father and the birth mother. The websites claim they allow you to look 20 or 40 years into the future at significant DNA markers that will affect your child’s health (such as pre-disposition to certain diseases).
(ii) Once registered with some sites, you will be automatically advised over the next 10, 20 or 30 years, as medical science makes new discoveries and advances.
(iii) In some situations DNA decoding may become available as part of pre-adoption medical and social information about the child. Currently, parents receive limited medical information, photographs, and sometimes a video. Perhaps in the future a DNA swab will become part of this pre-adoption information package.
(iv) As countries become more selective about whom may adopt their children (such as China) will they want DNA tests of the adopting parents? Adopting Parents already have to supply medical and lab reports as part of a dossier for international adoption. Are DNA reports next?

These websites will bring great opportunities, but also great quandaries. We will no longer have the problem of not knowing, but instead have the burden of whether we want to know in the first place. We will know whether our children are predisposed to certain traits or talents, athletics, music or languages, and we’ll encourage them to pursue certain paths. I have recently described these websites to clients, friends and relatives. It is interesting how many people have said, “But do you really want to know this information?”. Clearly, some people would rather not know and just let the future unfold.

Cautions

Be careful what you wish for. By going down this road, you may be opening a Pandora’s Box. In short, we are on the brink of scientific and technological breakthroughs that are going to change adoption in a way that has never happened before. Please consider the following:

Privacy: What is more personal than your DNA? Each of these websites has a privacy statement. Please read these before registering. It is important to understand what privacy protection is offered and whether you can set your own level of privacy on the site. Also keep in mind that the world doesn’t always work perfectly. If you put information on the internet, there is a chance of it getting loose by accident or otherwise. Concerns: There are social, moral and ethical issues involved in registering your or your child’s DNA on a website. Before registering on any site prospective applicants should read the China Adoption DNA Project website where the site creators have considered the implications of parents taking the step of trying to find biological relatives in this way. Please read and think about these issues before registering on a DNA Adoption Networking site. Second Test: If you join one of these websites and find a match that is important to you, please confirm it with a second and more formal DNA test. An article in the October Journal of Science warned that popular do-it-yourself DNA tests could produce incomplete results. Early Days: These websites have just started up. It will take time for enough families to register worldwide for there to be many matches of close relatives. Keep your expectations low for now and check in from time to time. Men and Women: Men can get a lot more out of DNA testing than women because they inherit both an x and y chromosome. For women to get the same results, they need to supply a sample from a close male relative like a brother or father. Language: The scientific words and terminology used on these websites can be challenging. Some sites have a glossary or definition section. That’s a good place to start in understanding this field of research.

Registering: A recent survey of adopting parents (by the China Adoptions DNA Project) found that while the adoption community is keenly interested in learning more about how a DNA database could benefit their children and families, the overwhelming majority of parents currently do not know enough about it or are not comfortable enough with what they do know to take the next step and join a database. I encourage adoptive families to spend time on the DNA websites listed at the end of this article. Review their DNA science lessons, read the FAQ’s and watch the videos. You will learn a lot.

Of course, if you’re only registered on one site, it reduces the possibility of matches. Perhaps all the members of the adoption triad in the world who want to share this information should register on only one of these sites , or on a site yet to be created specifically for the adoption community. In the future there will undoubtedly be more of these kinds of websites, and their usefulness will advance as science advances. If you do register with one of the websites listed below, let us know about your experience with it.

Welcome to the Age of Genomics Adoption will never be quite the same!

Websites to Visit A. DNA ADOPTION NETWORKING SITES

1. www.GeneTree.com

This service:

operates world-wide; is easy to understand and easy to use; is free (except for the DNA swab collection kit $99 – $149); matches relatives (such as cousins), which greatly increases the chances of finding out more information about the child’s family of origin.

The site is part of a worldwide genealogical and genetic research project. Anyone who joins is a participant in this project. (Unfortunately, this information is not made clear on the website until a registrant orders a DNA swab kit and is presented with a 6-page contract to sign.) Parents who don’t like the trade-off of being part of a research project may want to pass on registering. Others will be happy to be part of a DNA research project that also provides the opportunity for free DNA Adoption Networking. This site is headquartered in Salt Lake City, Utah, which is already known as the largest center of genealogical research in the world. Clearly, they want to make it bigger.

When you order your DNA swab kit ($149) you will be asked to sign a 6-page contract. Read it carefully. It has some interesting terms, including:

you are a participant in a research study; no genetic information is provided back to you; you can withdraw from the study at any time and have your information deleted; while this site will match two voluntary users of the site together if they want, the site will not get involved in providing adoption or paternity information (that it may learn of) to anyone.

The website has a “Facebook” aspect to it, except you are networking with people you share similar DNA with around the world instead of your chosen friends. Participants set their own level of privacy on this site. In other words, you can register your DNA and then set privacy parameters as to the disclosure of information and whether you want contact with other members of your extended family. Of course, in addition to privacy concerns, the idea of adoptive families around the world registering their DNA on a master database certainly has a “Big Brother” feel to it. As a result, this service may not appeal to everyone.

2. www.dnaancestry.com

This site is part of www.ancestry.com and allows you to use DNA to search for ancestors, clans and by surname groups. www.ancestry.com is an established genealogical research site also headquartered in Utah. It already has a user base of 15 million, of which 3 million have posted their searchable family trees. It is the internet’s largest family-history archive. The test kit costs $149 to $179, depending on how sophisticated you want the results to be.

3. www.familytreedna.com

This website claims to have the largest DNA databases in the field of Genetic Genealogy (178,000 records). Their website includes tutorials on the use of your DNA. It also has a DNA user’s forum which has posts from adoptees who have had varying degrees of success at finding relatives. The tests cost $149 to $199.

4. www.a-chinadnaproject.org

Although this site is not yet operational as a registry, it does have interesting things to say. It is a site worth reading and thinking about the points raised there. In addition to searching for relatives, a second, equally important mission of the website, is to create a voluntary, anonymous DNA database that will provide information that could benefit all Asians of Chinese descent. The China Adoptions DNA project states numerous times on this website that it is not yet underway since it has no funding. It worries about the costs to parents and the cost of providing the service. Some adopting parents will want to wait and see if this adoption-oriented website becomes operational because of the additional safeguards that have been created for the adoption community.

5. www.tracegenetics.com

This site has an extensive FAQ section that will teach the reader a lot about this area of science in understandable language. It offers testing for both the child’s maternal and paternal lineage. It then issues a report based on the percentage of ancestry from each of the world’s biogeographical areas. This site claims to have the largest Native American DNA database in the world. This website will also provide you with custom DNA projects. You can tailor your genomic requests to what you want. B. DNA GENE DECODING SITES

6. www.23andme.com

This is a web-based service that helps you understand your DNA. Send in a sample of your child’s saliva and see how the decoded genes indicate your child’s future. This site is partly funded by Google. The cost for a DNA analysis is $999, and you will receive a report analyzing almost 600,000 DNA checkpoints.

At this time their service is only available in the USA, Europe and Canada, although it will expand in the future to other countries. In response to my question to this site as to whether adopting parents could use it to have the DNA decoded for a child proposed to them for adoption, the response was “Our service is not intended to be used for genetic screening purposes.”

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Although this article by Guy J. Vitetta refers to South Carolina laws, it serves as a good guide for anyone facing a divorce. The full article is as follows:

Regardless of the type of divorce process you choose to use, it is important to identify your marital estate. The marital estate is defined by the South Carolina Equitable Apportionment Statute and generally comprises all assets and debts acquired by either party during the marriage, regardless of title. As you can guess, there are numerous exceptions to this rule, so discuss this issue carefully with your attorney. For starters, however, you should begin to gather the following information, regardless of how it was obtained or who obtained it, as long as it was obtained during the marriage. Gather information on an asset used during the marriage, regardless of when it was obtained.

An example of an “asset” would be your residence, a car, a boat, a valuable piece of artwork, a retirement account, or an investment account. An asset is anything that is worth money! Don’t worry about loans on the assets (such as your mortgage or a car loan), because you will be listing all of these debts separately. The result will be your “net” marital estate.

Here is a brief checklist to help guide you with this process. It is by no means a comprehensive list, so anticipate that your attorney will need more information, but it is a good starting place.

Income/ Assets:

• Income tax returns for the previous five years

• Retirement account statements; one from the date of marriage, one current.

• Estimated valuation of all real estate acquired during the marriage

• Estimated value of the marital residence, if owned

• Statements from current investment accounts

• Statements from college savings accounts for minor children

• Estimated (Blue Book) value of all automobiles

• Itemization of all valuable artwork, jewelry, etc. with estimate of values

• Copies of all trusts

• Copies of all whole life insurance policies or annuities

• Recent statements from whole life and annuity policies

• Copies of all corporate papers; Sub S Corp’s, LLC’s etc.

Debts

• Current credit card statements

• Current mortgage balances (1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc….)

• Automobile loans

• Promissory notes

• Student loans

• Secured loans

• Other debts and obligations (unsecured)

In complicated cases, a financial professional is helpful to assist in establishing the value of the marital estate. In the more straightforward cases, you and your lawyer can establish the values using and Excell or Numbers spreadsheet, or just a pencil and paper!

The bottom line is that you want to identify everything that was obtained during the marriage, or used as marital property during the marriage regardless of how it was obtained.

HOT TIP: You will also want to have this information very well organized for your attorney or financial professional. You pay these people by the hour, so the less time they need to spend organizing your financial matters, the less money you will pay for this service!

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By Douglas Chalke

Barb and Maxine work for a large corporation whose profit for the last quarter was $400 million. Both women are new moms, currently at home caring for their children. Barb will be at home for 52 weeks and will receive 85% of her regular salary. Maxine, on the other hand, is able to stay home for only 35 weeks during which she receives 55% of her usual salary. What’s the difference? Barb is a biological mother; Maxine is an adoptive mother.

Both the Federal Government and the employer are treating these women differently, based on the way they have chosen to build their families. Their employer, like many organizations, “tops up” the payments received from Employment Insurance so that employees receive full (or near full) salaries while they are off work1. In Maxine’s case, however, their employer does not extend the benefit to adoptive parents.

The Federal Government pays Employment Insurance (EI) benefits to provide financial assistance to new parents (currently 55% of average insurable earnings to a maximum of $413 / week). Maternity benefits are payable to biological mothers for a maximum of 15 weeks. Parental benefits are payable to parents (biological or adoptive) for a maximum of 35 weeks. Thus biological parents are eligible for 50 weeks of employment insurance while adoptive parents hit the maximum at only 35 weeks. One adoptive parent is mounting a Charter of Rights challenge on this very issue in the E.I. Legislation.2

Biological parents are provided with EI benefits over a one- year period comprised of:

a) 2 week disqualification period (i.e. no EI payments) and

b) 15 weeks of maternity benefits; and

c) 35 weeks of parental benefits

Total: 52 weeks

Many employers also pay top-up wage compensation to their employees for the two-week E.I. disqualification period by topping up their wage to between 85% and 100% of their normal salary (i.e. the employer pays all of this benefit during the first two weeks). For the next 15 weeks, the top-up reduces by the amount of the E.I. maternity benefits (described above). Some employers also top-up the employees’ salary for the full 35 weeks of parental benefits as well3.

As a result of complaints we received about how adopting parents were treated in the workplace, Sunrise conducted a limited and informal poll of its clients to see how widespread the differential treatment of adoptive and biological parents by employers is, and we were stunned by the responses. Many of our clients reported situations in which a biological parent receives top up payments, while an adoptive parent is refused. Here are some examples of what we heard:

Government of British Columbia: The B.C. Provincial Government is one of least discriminatory employers we heard about. It offers a top-up to both biological and adoptive parents (to its unionized and non-unionized employees.) It also offers adoptive parents a ” Pre-Placement Adoptive Leave.” This leave allows adoptive parents to attend pre-placement visits for their homestudy or to complete legal requirements for the adoption while collecting 85% of their regular salary.

Government of Canada: A federal civil servant, who is an adoptive parent, received 93% of her wage by top-up for 37 weeks. The real irony is that the Federal Government treats its adoptive parent employees better than most employers do, but discriminates against all adoptive parents with its EI policy!

Police: The RCMP (a federal government employer) offers both adopting and biological parents the top-up for 37 weeks. Other police forces in British Columbia (Municipal forces) generally do not pay the top-up to adoptive parents. (The municipal public force in Saanich, B.C., however, does pay the top-up for 37 weeks).

Municipalities: One adopting parent reported that the Municipality she worked for finally gave her the top-up right after she filed a complaint with the Human Rights Commission.

Hospitals: Regional Health Districts are the employer for nurses in British Columbia. One adoptive parent reported that in his hospital, biological parents receive a top-up on the EI Maternity Benefit only. No one receives a top-up on the Parental Benefit. Since adoptive parents don’t qualify for maternity benefits, they don’t receive any top-up at all.

Universities: Universities do not seem to take a consistent approach in how they treat their employee parents. Adopting parents employed by universities told us about a wide variety of benefits payable to adopting parents. Often these were inconsistent, unusual, and at times discriminatory.

At the University of British Columbia, adopting parents get topped-up for 12 weeks, while biological mothers receive 20 weeks. At the University of Toronto, adopting parents receive 27 weeks of top-up, and biological mothers receive 3 weeks more. At Capilano College, parents on parental leave are topped-up to 80% of salary, and for parents on maternity leave to 90% of salary.

Professors at Simon Fraser University are the only employees we found who were treated absolutely identically whether they were biological or adoptive parents. To do this, the maternity benefits not paid to adoptive parents by EI are covered by the university. Kudos to SFU!

Schools: We heard from many teachers across the province. School Districts in British Columbia bargain separately with the teachers’ union (BCTF). As a result, adopting parents (who are also teachers) receive different benefits depending on where they work. For example, Surrey Teachers do receive the top-up of 95% of salary for the first 2 weeks, 70% for next 15 weeks and zero for the balance of parental leave. North Vancouver District teachers receive 95% for the first 2 weeks, but then 70% for only the next 10 weeks (while biological mothers receive it for the next 15 weeks). Most other school districts do not pay top-ups at all to teachers. There is no rational basis for treating teachers, who choose to create their families by adoption, differently. One parent was told that top-ups are not paid to adopting parents because the school district follows “Government of Canada rulings”. This doesn’t accord with our findings; all federal government departments that we heard from do top up adopting parents.

One adopting parent employed by the Coquitlam School Board was recently refused the top-up. When she told her employer that she was filing a complaint with the Human Rights Commission, she immediately received a top-up.
Falling Between the Cracks

Some adopting parents are in a catch-22 situation and the problem may not be resolved until a parent takes action. We heard from several British Columbia parents who reported that employers dodge responsibility by saying it is up to the union to ask for benefits through the collective bargaining process.

One city police department we heard from only offers the top-up to biological parents. A Port Moody police officer said, “I am a union member and was entitled to nothing under the collective agreement. However, we were in the middle of negotiating a new one, and I asked for a provision to be added. I was unsuccessful”.

Pursuant to Labour Relations legislation, unions are required to represent minority interests (like those of adopting parents). Failure to do so can lead to a complaint with the Labour Relations Board. Exercising that legal right against your Union, however, can be a scary prospect.

Another adoptive parent reported:

“I wasn’t sure if there are many others in the same boat as myself, and considering the extremely daunting task of applying for change in our organization (my employer is Vancouver Coastal Health), I have not bothered to try. I would have to put forth a motion to the union (membership = 40,000) and the union would then vote on whether or not to pursue this issue with the Health Authority and ultimately the Government. Another union colleague who adopted several years ago felt the same as I do now.”

Many adopting parents had similar experiences when they approached their union. They were told that nothing could be done. Studies in the USA show that less than 1% of eligible employees receive adoption employment benefits. No wonder adoptive parents can feel lost in big unions!
What Can Be Done?

In a landmark 2002 study, 94% of respondents stated that adopting parents should receive the same benefits in the workplace as biological parents4. It is clear our society feels overwhelmingly that adopting and biological parents should be treated equally.

This doesn’t seem right. Large government employers (such as hospitals, health districts, municipalities and school boards) should not justify continuing to discriminate by claiming that the unions need to ask for it. They should take responsibility and end the discriminatory treatment.

Employers should treat parents equally, whether they give birth or adopt. If an employer pays an E.I. top-up to a biological parent, then the same compensation should be paid to an adopting parent. To not do so is discrimination. 6

The need for change is apparent and many parents expressed an interest in making that change happen. Unless adopting parents object, this discrimination will not end. One possibility is to file a complaint with the BC Human Rights Tribunal.7 The most effective solution may be for adoptive parents to lobby their MLAs and MPs for legislative change. How about a law that simply says adopting parents and biological parents must be treated the same in any workplace. (After all 94% of society already thinks this is what should happen)

Talk to your employer and/or your union officials. If your organization tops up biological parents, insist that they treat adoptive parents equally.

1 We also heard about a few employers who give their employees a lump sum payment to help with adoption expenses. These payments ranged between five and ten thousand dollars.

2 This appeal is currently making its way towards the Supreme Court of Canada. The appeal at the Federal Court of Appeal is scheduled to be heard March 29 – 30, 2007. For a review of the issues in this case see http://www.bcadoption.com/afabc.

3 The rules about E.I. Supplemental payments (Top-Ups) are set out at www.hrsdc.gc.ca

4 The Dave Thomas Foundation in the USA has established a website with materials and assistance to help employers establish adoption friendly workplaces – see www.adoptionfriendlyworkplace.org

6 One adopting couple has written an impassioned plea for parents to lobby their MP’s to help end discrimination against adopting parents. See www.bcparent.ca/articles/adoption/overcoming_discrimination.html.

7 In Ontario court the courts have not been sympathetic to adopting parents. In a case called Shafer the Ontario Court of Appeal decided that the discrimination built into the EI legislation did not contravene the Charter of Rights.

The information in this article has been obtained from a limited survey of Sunrise clients. The next step is to broaden the scope of this investigation to the BC and Canadian adoption community as a whole. If you know of someone who has had a similar experience (good or bad), please contact us. We would like to understand the full extent of this problem in British Columbia and Canada and will publish the results of the final survey.

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In spite of his mom’s death from breast cancer two years ago, 14-year-old Damian appeared to be doing well. He was experiencing typical adolescent issues with independence and responsibility, but seemed to be working those out with his dad. Damian was starting to think about college, motivated by a desire to “always make my mom proud of me.”

I was a bit taken aback when I shared my impressions with his dad. He became very quiet and simply said, “our family is not right. We need help.”

I finally realized that I was focusing on the wrong client. I stopped talking about Damian and instead questioned dad about how he was doing.

Dad spoke extensively about what it had been like over the past few years. He told me the story of the first time he met his wife, the only person he truly loved. They were together since junior year in high school and were each other’s best friend. He talked about how traumatic it was when he first learned of his wife’s cancer, and the painful three years he spent feeling helpless during her ordeal.

His story was one of love, loss and sadness. I’ve been well-trained to avoid overly emotional responses regardless of what a child or parent tells me during a session. That’s hard for someone like me who gets teary eyed at Hallmark commercials.

I met with dad a few more times, and then connected him with an adult therapist who focused on counseling issues around grief and loss. There was no need for me to meet again with Damian.

It’s difficult at times to determine the real reason why parents seek help for their children. For some parents, it is just too hard to initially acknowledge that the root of their unhappiness is more due to their issues than their children’s. Other parents, like Damian’s dad, focus so much attention on their children that they fail to recognize their own depression or other serious problems.

Here are a few guidelines to determine who really needs help in your family:

• If you have any problems with substance abuse, child abuse or domestic violence, first get help for yourself. Kids living in homes with such parents show little improvement until their parents deal with those issues.
• Unhappy marriages lead to unhappy parents. It’s hard to be a good mom or dad if you are in a bad relationship with your spouse.
• Parents with major mental disorders, such as psychosis or mood disorders, generally require medication as well as therapy. Again, focus on yourself first rather than your child.
• The experience of a major traumatic event will affect you both as a person and as a parent, so be sure you deal with those concerns.

It’s common for parents to put children as their top priority, but getting professional help for yourself is sometimes the best way to help your child.

To sign up to receive Dr. Ramey’s Family Wise monthly E-newsletter, click here.

[Reprinted by permission from the December 13, 2009, edition of the Dayton Daily News, “Ask yourself, who really needs help in your family”, Family Wise, Gregory Ramey, PhD]

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