12 Proactive Steps to Take If You Are Contemplating Divorce

March 11th, 2010

Jason C. Brown, the publisher of the Minnesota Divorce and Family Law Blog, recently posted a very practical article outlining some important steps to take if you are anticipating filing a divorce action. I am grateful that he has allowed me to repost it here. I concur with his wise “nuts and bolts” type suggestions. Remember the old adage, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”.  Plus, this “ounce of prevention” might well save you thousands of dollars in attorney fees!

Once you break the news of your desire to dissolve your marriage, interesting things may start happening at your house. Critical records and valuable items of personal property may suddenly vanish. It pays to be proactive to ensure that you have all the information you will need to move forward as efficiently as possible.

The wasted time and cost associated with hunting down missing documentation can be staggering. We’ve handled cases where everything from an expensive diamond ring to boxes of business records have taken a “vacation”. We almost always find them, but not without substantial effort. In cases where they are not found, the Court will impose substantial sanctions and assume the missing evidence is favorable to you.

To help avoid the mess, we’ve assembled a list of 12 things you should gather to ensure that you have all critical information in hand before your spouse has a chance to conceal, transfer or sell items. These include obtaining:

To help avoid the mess, we’ve assembled a list of 12 things you should gather to ensure that you have all critical information in hand before your spouse has a chance to conceal, transfer or sell items. These include obtaining:

  1. Copies of financial statements
  2. Copies of tax returns;
  3. Copies of computer hard drives;
  4. Copies of insurance policies;
  5. Copies of <wills and/or trusts;
  6. Inventory of safety deposit boxes, with a witness;
  7. Copies of deeds and/or titles to real property;
  8. Copies of small business ledgers, financial journals, payroll, sales tax returns and expense account records;
  9. Copies of appraisals for art, antiques, jewelry and collectibles;
  10. Record the contents of each room in your home through video;
  11. Copies of retirement account statements; and
  12. Copies of your spouse’s pay stubs for the last few months.

Investing some time in gathering these items will ensure that your spouse cannot take advantage of you during the divorce process. The denial of the existence of an asset is a fraud upon the Court. Once your spouse knows that we have all of the key information in hand, they are far less likely to engage in bad faith conduct and be honest in their disclosures throughout the process!

If you believe that it is prudent in your case to copy a computer’s hard drive to preserve information, be sure you have a qualified professional undertake the task. It is very easy to accidentally run the “ghost drive” backwards and, in so doing, wipe out the original hard dhard drive! Not good at all!

View full post on Ohio Family Law Blog

The New Economics of Marriage: More Men Marrying Wealthier Women

March 9th, 2010

In a recent analysis of census data, the Pew Research Center found that the institution of marriage has undergone significant changes in recent decades as women have outpaced men in education and earnings growth. The study examined American’s 30 to 44 years old, a stage of life when typical adults have completed their education, have gone to work and gotten married. “Men now are increasingly likely to marry wives with more education and income than they have, and the reverse is true for women,” said Paul Fucito, spokesman for the Pew Center. “In recent decades, with the rise of well-paid working wives, the economic gains of marriage have been a greater benefit for men.” Clearly, these unequal gains have been accompanied by gender role reversals in both the spousal characteristics and the economic benefits of marriage.

I personally enjoy reviewing statistics. For those that don’t, be sure at least to read my conclusion at the end of this piece, especially if you are a woman contemplating entering into a marriage.
Here are some of the significant findings in the study, clearly demonstrating the new economics of today’s marriage:

  • In 1970, 28% of wives had husbands who were better educated than they were, outnumbering the 20% whose husbands had less education. By 2007, these patterns had reversed: 19% of wives had husbands with more education, versus 28% whose husbands had less education.
  • Only 4% of husbands had wives who brought home more income than they did in 1970, a figure that rose to 22% in 2007.
  • The national economic downturn has hurt employment of men more than that of women. The income gap has grown even more in the latest recession, when men held about three in four of the jobs that were lost. Women are moving toward a new milestone in which they constitute half of all the employed. Their share increased from 46.5% in December 2007 to 47.4% in December 2009.
  • Women now are the majority of college graduates. Their earnings grew 44% from 1970 to 2007, compared with 6% growth for men. That sharper growth has enabled women to narrow, but not close, the earnings gap with men. Median earnings of full-year female workers in 2007 were 71% of earnings of comparable men, compared with 52% in 1970.
  • Unmarried men’s household incomes fared worse than those of women. Unmarried women in 2007 had higher household incomes than their 1970 counterparts at each level of education. But unmarried men without any post-secondary education lost ground because their real earnings decreased, and they did not have a wife’s wages to buffer that decline. Unmarried men who did not complete high school or who had only a high school diploma had lower household incomes in 2007 than their 1970 counterparts did.
  • There is an important exception to the rule that married adults have fared better than unmarried adults from 1970 to 2007. Married women without a high school diploma did not make the same gains as more educated women: Their household incomes slipped 2% from 1970 to 2007, while those of their unmarried counterparts grew 9%. The stagnant incomes of married women without high school diplomas reflect the poor job prospects of less educated men in their pool of marriage partners. These less-educated married women now are far less likely, than in the past, to have a spouse who works — 77% did in 2007, compared with 92% in 1970.
  • Among college-educated adults, married men are markedly more likely to have a wife who is college educated — only 37% did in 1970, compared with 71% in 2007. College-educated married women, though, are somewhat less likely to have a college-educated husband — 70% did in 1970 and 64% did in 2007.
  • Americans are more likely than in the past to cohabit, divorce, marry late in life or not marry at all. There has been a marked decline in the share of Americans who are currently married. Among U.S.-born 30- to 44-year-olds, 60% were married in 2007, compared with 84% in 1970.

To read the full study, which includes many more findings along with excellent graphs and charts, click here.

CONCLUSION:

In my practice, I am seeing these “gender reversal” situations almost every day. It is not at all uncommon for divorced women to be ordered to pay spousal support to their ex-husbands. Also, men’s previous reluctance years ago to “accept” spousal support has seemed to have changed as well. I don’t hear, “I am a man and I don’t need any woman to support me”, like I once did. Yes, perhaps it is a good time for a reprise of Bob Dylan’s “The Times They are a-Changin”!

Another trend is that more women contemplating marriage are recognizing the benefits and importance of obtaining a well-written prenuptial agreement before they “tie-the-knot”. As many men had been doing for decades, we now see these successful women trying to protect themselves and their assets in the event of a subsequent divorce.

To learn more about Prenuptial Agreements, click here. I had the pleasure of being interviewed by “Big George” on BBC London radio in July 2009, to discuss the use of Prenuptial Agreements in America. It was lots of fun! Click here if you want to check that out!

I am also in the process of writing a follow-up article indicating how the local statistics in the Dayton area support the results of this Pew Research Center study. Keep an eye out for it!

View full post on Ohio Family Law Blog

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Why Estate Planning?

March 6th, 2010

Give Allinotte Law Office’s Do you want to deal with this now or let your family deal with it later? a read. I think the article points out a few things not usually thought of when thinking of estate planning. Both the things needing planned (such as a funeral trust) and why which I think the article sums up quite well here:

The family will be shaken by the death of a loved one. In the immediate after math, and possibly even before death, there would be decisions that would have to be made.

View full post on Sam Hasler’s Indiana Divorce & Family Law Blog

Prenuptial Agreements Are Good For Family Businesses

March 2nd, 2010

If you have a family business then read the following from The Williston Herald, Family roles play a part in farm operation, succession A family death brings questions about new roles:

“To help deal with in-laws, Hanson is now a firm believer in prenuptial marriage agreements.

‘It’s just good business management,’ he said, while admitting there are two points of view on the matter.

The first point is from the view of the in-law, who wants to know why she/he should have to sign such a document in the first place, especially if that person helps work the operation.

To address this point, Hanson said to ask the in-law to think of what the family has done to build the business.

‘The only way this farm will ever be successful is if this farm stays as a unit. If this farm is divided, sold, split off, no one wins,’ Hanson said.

If a prenuptial agreement is done fairly, no one ever gets upset. In talking about the reasons behind the prenuptial agreement and its overall purpose, the new family member should understand and feel he/she has been treated fairly, he said.

Hanson is also a firm believer in prenuptial agreements for anyone entering a second marriage.

‘If you think children have trouble settling an estate, wait until you have stepchildren,’ he said.”

View full post on Sam Hasler’s Indiana Divorce & Family Law Blog

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Financial Planning for Divorcing Spouses

February 24th, 2010

The Daily Breeze recently published an article on the finanical planning that divorcing spouses should consider.  The article suggests that in addition to having good divorce attorneys involved, that divorcing spouses should also consider involving a “divorce savvy” finanical planner.  One of the soundest pieces of advice that the artilce suggests is also something I always tell my divorce clients: get a copy of there credit report.  You can usually get a free copy once a year from a service like www.freecreditreport.com.

The author also recommends removing your ex’s name from all joint bank accounts and considering whether you should refinance any joint debt that cannot easily be divided between the two of you.

Here is a link to the full article.

This post from the AlabamaFamilyLawBlog.com where you can find information about Alabama divorce and family law.

Financial Planning for Divorcing Spouses

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View full post on AlabamaFamilyLawBlog.com

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Pending Indiana Legislation – Child Support Duty to End at 19

February 20th, 2010

The Indiana House has a bill ending child support at 19 instead of 21. The abstract seems a radical change:

“Duty to support a child. Provides that the duty to support a child ceases when the child becomes 19 years of age. (Current law provides that the duty to support a child ceases when the child becomes 21 years of age.)”

Actually. the statute only changes the age of 21 to 19 while retaining the obligation to provide for education when there is an order for educational benefits. Rather nice to see the General Assembly make a surgical change change to a statute than a complete overhaul (and leaving us to deal with the overhaul’s unintended consequences).

This probably is an overdue change. I do not know how many clients have been surprised (more often unpleasantly) that child support does not end at age 18. Maybe worse, I cannot provide an explanation of why support continues to 21. (I have always assumed the reason being that educational benefits came in after the statute establishing child support ended at 21, and the intent was to support children going to post-secondary schools.)

View full post on Sam Hasler’s Indiana Divorce & Family Law Blog

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Telling the Kids About the Divorce

February 18th, 2010

How do I tell the children about the divorce?

It is one of the toughest tasks that accompanies a divorce.  How do we tell the children? I recently came across a good article that advised parents facing divorce to avoid these three mistakes when telling the children:

  1. Pressuring the children to make a choice,
  2. Forgetting to emphasize that the children did not cause the divorce, and
  3. Sharing information that only adults should be aware of.

You can read the entire article here.  In the article, the author elaborates on each point. I want to specifically emphasize the third point.  Divorce attorneys see this mistake made all of the time (sharing information with the children that only adults should be aware of).  It is typically done when one parent is hurt and mad at the other because they have somehow been wronged.  Often it is when adultery is involved.  The parent decides to tell the children the reason mommy and daddy are getting  divorce is because “your father has a girlfriend” (or something like that).  When asked why in the world they would tell their children this, they justify it by saying, “the children deserve to know the truth” or “I was just being honest with them.”

DO NOT DO THIS. Really.  It is incredibly selfish and immature and it hurts your children.  I know there may be some circumstances where it may be necessary.  Maybe the child is 17 and the affair was with a teacher at the school and so all of her friends are going to find out (yes, I’ve seen it happen).  But, even in those situations, slow down. Check your motivation.  Are you really protecting your child by telling her?  Is it really necessary? I find that often it is not.  Don’t do it to your children.  The divorce is going to be hard enough on them.

Finally, I would add one more to the author’s list: Remind them that both mom and dad still love them. Children in divorce need to be reminded that the breakup of the marriage does not mean that either parent no longer loves them.  This is VERY important.  Even if you are the spouse who did not want the divorce, make sure they know that the other spouse still loves them and the divorce does not mean they don’t.  They need to hear that.

NOTE: The author of the article offers some resources at the end of the article to assist in telling the children about divorce. I have not reviewed them myself, but I have talked to the author in the past and I have heard very good reports about those resources.  You may want to check them out if you are facing divorce and are not sure how to tell the kids.

This post from the AlabamaFamilyLawBlog.com where you can find information about Alabama divorce and family law.

Telling the Kids About the Divorce

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View full post on AlabamaFamilyLawBlog.com

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Romance and Vetting the Significant Other

February 11th, 2010

Not my idea but something published by the Indianapolis Business Journal’s NewsTalk blog:


Vetting your sweetheart
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, a Purdue University expert recommends the marriage-minded conduct some pragmatic due diligence before engagement rings find their way onto fingers.

It’s widely known that financial problems undermine many a marriage. To that end, Sharon Burns, an associate professor of consumer sciences and retailing, suggests looking for bad habits before they wreak havoc. Not easy to do during such a passionate time, maybe, but still wise. Here they are:

–Your sweetheart has borrowed lots of money from you once or has borrowed from you more than once. This can signal they’re living above their means or managing money poorly.

–He or she buys lots of the latest clothes, gadgets, cars and other luxuries. Big spending can reveal their needing a crutch to make them feel better and, ultimately, personal insecurity or lack of discipline.

–Your love needs financial help from family or friends. “Mature adults support themselves,” Burns says.

–They pay for normal living expenses with credit cards and then don’t pay the bill in full at the end of the month, a “sure sign of disaster ahead.”

–They can’t hold down a job. In a normal economy, you should wonder if they’re lazy or lack self discipline.

Which leaves me wondering if the old idea of courtship doesn’t have something over dating? After all, if one has been courting (or long term dating) how can one fail to notice that the significant other has problems holding down a job?

Which then leads me to wonder if the divorce rate’s climbing numbers has less to do with some ill-defined ease of getting a divorce and more with the parties being less well-prepared for marriage.

And I will leave you with this last thought: the law can do a lot but society can do even more.

View full post on Sam Hasler’s Indiana Divorce & Family Law Blog

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