Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a woman’s life. After divorce, most women continue to be dependent for their survival either on their ex-husbands in the form of support payments, or on the state in the form of welfare. Neither of these options allows women to attain economic self-sufficiency following divorce and both continue a dynamic of dependency reminiscent of the marriage relationship for many. It is of the utmost importance that when such a pain descends upon you, you should realize that you can recover. The following information may help you get rid of this pain.

Properly control your emotion. After breaking up, you may feel angry, guilty, upset and frustrated. There feeling might be appearing to grow stronger with each passing day. These feelings are persistent and are even threatening to lead you towards a depression. Therefore, you have to control these feelings and adjust yourself to the changing situation, through which you can restart your happy life. In addition, your children are deeply hurt by the divorce. They need your help and you can help them only if you deal with your emotions. So stop feeling victimized, change your thought process by creating a new self-image of yourself.

After a divorce you can give yourself a break. Many women feel the need to stay busy to keep their minds off of this stressful time, such as working overtime or cleaning the house from top to bottom, but let this time also include pampering yourself. Barter with a friend or neighbor to watch your children or leave work a few minutes early so you can stop to sit on a park bench long enough to get that sense of the unique and special you. Take this time to experience life without feeling like a wife, mother, sister or daughter… simply you!

Once you have regained control of yourself, you can turn your concentration on to other important issues that require your attention like personal safety, rebuilding career and handling personal finances. Those may cost most of your energy and time, which can help you forget the sadness. However, do not be in a hurry to find someone to remarry. Remarriage, immediately after divorce, is not advisable.

Learn to handle your finances well. Apart from the emotional turmoil, you may experience the financial difficulty. In martial phase, two persons’ income meets a household or your husband can provide you. But after the divorce, you must support yourself. Your finances have to be managed well to meet the current and future requirements. Work hard to make yourself economically stronger. Try to find employment if you had been a ’stay at home mom.’ Rebuild your career that might have been interspersed by breaks while you cared for your children.

Divorce is not the end of life. Begin by discovering your lost self. Recollect your premarital years and try to be the person you once were.

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The decision to adopt is one of the most exciting moments in one’s life. Yet, financing an adoption is an overwhelming stress for most adoptive families. The costs involved in the adoption process can be devastating, and prospective adoptive parents may get discouraged.

The Adoption Tax Credit is one of the valuable funding options available to prospective adoptive families, but also one of the most intricate tax law provisions. Received by the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), the Adoption Tax Credit asserts that the adoption expenses are subtracted against the yearly tax liability. However, adoptive families need to learn what the tax credit covers, what the directly related adoption expenses are, who qualifies, and how the provision works.

The tax credit is applicable both to domestic and international adoptions. For a domestic adoption, adoptive families can claim the credit regardless if the adoption process is not finalized. Instead, for an international adoption, adoptive families cannot apply for the credit until the adoption process is finalized. In case the adoption process of an international adoption is interrupted, families may claim the adoption expenses to the maximum amount that may be credited on a second adoption.

Eligibility requirements of the adoption tax credit require that adoptive families have adopted an eligible child and that they have paid qualified expenses on their own. The tax credit defines as eligible any child younger than 17 or any child who is US citizen, or resident alien, mentally and physically incapable of taking care of oneself.

If the adopted child is a US citizen or resident alien, adoptive parents collect the credit for qualified expenses based on when the adoption was finalized. For example, for expenses paid before the adoption is finalized, tax credit is collected the next year; for expenses  paid the same year that the adoption is finalized, tax credit is collected the same year; for expenses paid after the adoption is finalized, tax credit is paid the year the expenses are made.

If the adopted child is a foreigner, adoptive parents collect the credit for qualified expenses the same year that the adoption is finalized. Also, for any expenses made after the finalization of the adoption, adoptive families are eligible for collecting tax credit the same year that they made the expenses.

The IRS (Publication 968) defines as directly related adoption expenses the adoption fees, legal fees, transportation fees, meals, and accommodation expenses provided they are all “reasonable and necessary.” Prospective adoptive parents should revise the IRS guidelines very carefully with a tax expert so that they are sure about the expenses they are eligible to claim. For example, expenses related to surrogate families are not included in the qualified expenses for the tax credit. Also, expenses that are already reimbursed by private programs such as employee benefits are not qualified either.

Currently, the States of Arizona, California, Idaho, Iowa, Kansas, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Missouri, New Mexico, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Utah, West Virginia and Wisconsin exercise the Adoption Tax Credit providing a full credit of $12,150 for offsetting adoption expenses. Adoptive families that have been reimbursed by the tax credit provision consider that is more valuable than plain tax reduction because qualified adoption expenses are subtracted on a dollar to dollar basis. Hence, if someone has a tax liability of $8,000 and has incurred adoption expenses of $5,000, tax liability will be reduced to $3,000. In case the tax liability is lesser amount than the tax credit, the difference is carried forward for up to five years.

Generally, prospective adoptive parents should consult tax experts in order to clarify their eligibility, to investigate if their State offers the Adoption Tax Credit, and overall, to ensure that all their claims are appropriately filed.

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A good article that applies to Kentucky divorce as well as to divorce in Alabama.

I read a lot of articles on divorce. I am always tracking what is going on in my field and trying to pass on good information to the readers of my Alabama Family Law Blog.  Recently, I have noticed a lot of articles with the headline: How to Stop Your Divorce!  I’ve noticed that most of these lead to sites that are selling some product to people facing divorce. Perhaps, some of these products are worthwhile. But, I can’t help but think some of these are simply an attempt to play on the emotions of someone going through one of the worst times of their lives.

The fact is, under Alabama divorce laws, if one of the spouses insists on a divorce, they are going to get it. There is nothing you can do to stop. You can make it take longer, and you can make it cost more money (but why would you want to?), but you can’t stop it.  I tell my divorce clients all of the time, “It takes two people to decide to get married, it only takes one to decide to get a divorce.”

Can you try to convince your spouse to reconcile? Of course. Can you try to convince a spouse considering a divorce to not file and give it another chance. Sure. I always encourage reconciliation. And, if you are struggling in your marriage, a good book to take a look at is, The Divorce Lawyer’s Guide to Staying Married. The author is a divorce lawyer and in it, she interviews other divorce lawyers around the country. Because we see so many marriages that end in divorce, divorce attorneys have a unique perspective on the issue.

But, as far as these websites that promise to stop your divorce case, I would just be careful.  A few sessions with a qualified marriage counselor or pastor will have a much better chance of being effective than an e-book slapped together by someone trying to capitalize on your desire to avoid divorce.

photo credit: raulsantosdelacamara

This post from the AlabamaFamilyLawBlog.com where you can find information about Alabama divorce and family law.

How to Stop Your Divorce

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Working Together to Resolve Divorce

The Orlando Sentinel posted an article today on Collaborative Divorce.  Collaborative divorce is an alternative way to resolve a divorce case without resorting to litigation. I was actually trained as a collaborative lawyer in 2001.  However, it has been slow to pick up steam in Alabama.  In fact, many divorce attorneys in Alabama that I have spoken to have expressed their reluctance to hanlde cases collaboratively. I think that will change.  As it becomes more common and more people find out about it, there will be a market demand for it.

The only real down side to collaborative divorce can be the expense. But, it is far less costly than a traditional adversarial divorce.

I have been working on something called the No Nonsense Divorce that I think will provide another viable option for families in Alabama trying to cope with divorce.  It is a way for divorcing couples to streamline the divorce process and to resolve their case for a fixed fee that is far less than would be incurred in litigation. I’ll be posting more about No Nonsense Divorce here as soon as we have all of the parts in place.

Until then, I encourage you to read the article linked above on Collaborative Divorce. It captures some of the same themes that I urge my clients to consider in the way we handle their divorce case.

This post from the AlabamaFamilyLawBlog.com where you can find information about Alabama divorce and family law.

Collaborative Divorce: A Kinder, Gentler Approach?

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3. Divorce Mediation is Often a Smart Way to Resolve Your Case I recently read an article on divorce mediation. The article…
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Explaining adoption to a child is a very important as well as intricate issue. Adoptive parents need to consider the importance of telling their child that he or she is adopted at an age that the child would be able to understand without getting hurt. 

In the past, adoptive parents avoided to tell their children they were adopted in the fear of causing turbulence in the family. Without a doubt, this has been an utterly wrong tactics, mainly because adopted children always learn the truth at some point of their life. Sometimes, people who know about the adoption reveal the truth accidentally or even intentionally. In other cases, adoptees find documents that prove they have been adopted.

Almost all experts agree that children should be told about adoption prior to adolescence. However, deciding the best age to talk to a child about adoption is not an one-time decision. Instead, it is an ongoing process. 

Some adoptive parents choose to repeat the word “adoption” to their infants so that they get used to listening to the word without, of course, understanding the meaning. However, as the infant grows to a child, it comes natural that he or she asks what adoption is about. 

Other adoptive parents choose to talk about adoption when their children turns 2 years old. Some experts suggest that this is wrong because explaining adoption to a preschooler may cause permanent emotional trauma. Many preschoolers express feelings of confusion and anxiety and feel insecure in their homes. This is mainly explained by the fact that, at this age, children have not yet fully developed their understanding about important issues such as adoption. However, instead of ignoring the issue, they keep on thinking that they live with strangers who are not their birth parents and they develop fear and anger. Other experts disagree and assert that, at this age, children consider adoption as a game, as something positive that has happened in their lives. Particularly, if they grow up in a warm and loving environment, they develop positive feelings for their adoptive parents and feel protected in the family. By the time they grow up, they are fully affiliated with the idea of adoption. 

Some adoptive parents wait until their children become 8 years old or even older. From one hand, children of this age have already understood concepts that relate to family and motherhood and maybe they have heard about adoption as well. Also, they are old enough to participate in this sensitive process. On the other hand, they are old enough to realize that for 8 years or more the people they consider biological parents are people who made the decision to adopt. And at the same time, their biological parents are absent for 8 years. So, what is of utmost importance is how delicately adoptive parents will treat this moment to communicate to their adopted children that there is nothing to fear of because they are adopted. 

Finally, there are adoptive parents that talk to their children about adoption when they become teenagers. Teenagers always deal with how they feet in society, what they want to become as adults and so on. Particularly, adopted teenagers have a strong need to find their personal identity, where they come from and where they belong. They may ask questions about their characteristics, talents and abilities. Therefore, adoptive parents must exploit any opportunity they get to explain adoption to their children in a simple, straightforward way. 

In any case, adoptive parents should have in mind that children need to know. It is unfair for a child not to know the truth about such an important issue. Family and home is a holy place. Typically, adopted children spend a lot of their lifetime to understand why they have been placed for adoption and what their life would have been like it they hadn’t been adopted. They also think that something was wrong with them and therefore their biological parents gave them up.

Considering all the above, adoption should be explained the earliest possible. Even if the child is too young to understand, still having heard about adoption will be helpful in the future. Adoptive parents should communicate the idea that they were so lucky to adopt a wonderful child. Using emotional overtone will definitely help in evoking a feeling of gratitude and excitement to the child. In any case, the least adopted people deserve is to get told the truth the soonest possible so that they don’t waste their lives trying to understand why.

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Interesting article about the increase in divorce rates across the pond:

Why is the UK drawing so much attention? Divorce rates are high in a few other West European nations too. What is drawing statisticians down here is the rapidly changing demographic contours of the nation. The statistics reveal a people moving through a time of great flux. The very fact that this data is being considered as an important matter of study is itself an indication of the opinion of a generation.

A History of the Relations

Only 2% of men and women born before 1930 cohabited before marriage. By the 1960’s, the number rose to 50%. Around the middle of the 1980’s, the attitude towards cohabitation changed massively. This was when we were poised at the brink of the digital age, the concept of retail was changing, home businesses were beginning to flourish, and the children were becoming more neglected. Cohabitation was previously considered a preamble to marriage. But now cohabitation began to come up as a solution for divorcees to turn over a new leaf, avoiding a second brush with marriage. For young people it became an alternative to marriage itself. Now there is no doubt that it is a strong trend for long-term partnerships.

Divorce, in the meantime, has become quite commonplace. The divorce rates rose steadily over the years, before slumping in 2005, and it is hoped that the slump will persist. However, this is not a result of a sudden spurt of successful marriages all over the country. In fact, the number of marriages solemnised in 2005, has reached an all-time low when compared to the statistics for the past decade. So the best way to avoid getting divorced is not to get married at all.

Divorce and the Elderly

It is stunning but true, divorce rates among the sixty plus group have been on the rise for the past few years. More 55+ men and women are also getting married than ever before. The concept of the old man in ‘slippers and pantaloons’, shaking a disapproving finger at young women who leave their husbands, get a divorce, and then leave the child at home to go to work is a thing of the yester years. In fact, a jolly old granny, still working and glamorous, may start a new affair at 65. There is much support being offered on the part of the elderly where their grandchildren are concerned. More than 75% of grandparents in the UK are in favour of granting visitation rights to them too when their children divorce, and are ready to help the grand children tide over the troubled times under their care. However, most fight shy of providing continued financial support to the divorced offspring or to grand children.

Divorce and the Middle Aged

If we take the 40 – 55 group as middle-aged, the ruling trend is divorce, followed by remarriage. People of this age group are at the peak of their career, have children, and are earning well. They also divorce the least, and remarry quite often. Child care tendencies among them are also highest, and four out of five divorced mothers have voiced the opinion that they are willing to go out for work if they only had access to proper daycare for their children. Poverty among single parents is a major problem in this sector, and there are couples who are actually dragging on with a marriage because they know they won’t be able to give their children all that they need if they separated. The middle-aged group seems to be having the greatest variety of opinions as well, and survey results are highly uneven, suggesting that attitudes changed over localities, economies and cultures within the nation.

Divorce and the Young

Young people, 25 – 35, are losing faith in marriage. So divorce is not on the horizon. Those who do get married early are splitting soon. Divorce rates have been the highest among the 25 –29 group for five years now.

Divorce and Children

They are the worst-hit, and most neglected, despite all the awareness campaigns and support groups. Divorce, for them, is only pain and confusion from the unfair world of adults.

For information about Kentucky divorce, contact the Louisville Divorce Attorneys of Barrow & Weigel, PLLC.

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Excellent article for anyone going to court for the first time. Thanks to Robert L. Mues of the Ohio Family Law Blog.

The date for your “non-contested” divorce hearing or your dissolution hearing has been set. What is the appropriate attire for Court? First, it is most important to recognize that the two (2) hearings set forth in the first sentence indicate that the case has been “settled” or “resolved”. Basically, this means that neither party will be testifying against one another and that neither party has a large stake or investment in the Court’s impression of either party.

FOR MEN: A nice pair of slacks and a dress shirt or golf shirt would be appropriate. A sports coat or suit may be worn but certainly is not required. Shoes and socks should be worn as “flip flops” are prohibited. Likewise, it may be ninety degrees (90°) in August and hot/humid, but shorts are not permitted to be worn in the Courtroom. Other prohibited articles of clothing include tank tops, tee shirts, shirts reflecting foul or vulgar language or politically incorrect language, and hats.

FOR WOMEN: A dress, skirt and top, or slacks and a nice top would be appropriate. As in the paragraph above, it would not be appropriate to appear in Court in shorts, a halter top, or a skimpy tank top, or flip flops.

Example from “real life”– Several years ago, I attended a final divorce hearing in Greene County, Ohio. The day was hot and sultry. My client, the Husband, appeared in golfing attire wearing shorts. We were given two options: (1) reschedule the final hearing to a later date; or (2) have Husband obtain a pair of slacks. Husband elected to go to the local K-Mart and select a pair of slacks. He returned to the Court in slacks with the price tags being apparent. I asked him if the tags should be removed before we entered the Courtroom. He responded that he did not want to remove the tags as he planned to return the slacks to K-Mart following the divorce hearing!

The proper and/or appropriate attire for either party changes dramatically if the parties are facing a “contested” divorce and/or custody hearing, wherein each would be on the witness stand for protracted periods of time and, wherein, their appearances would certainly be scrutinized by the Court.

FOR MEN: Same as above; however, a sports coat or suit could be worn but would not be considered mandatory. If the Husband/Father is seeking custody of his child or children, he would want to be dressed conservatively…nothing too flashy, nothing too out-of-the ordinary. For example, if a young Husband is seeking custody of his child/children, he could receive “negative” points if he appeared in Court in non-traditional attire such as Black Gothic Style clothing or wildly colored hair. Remember, that most Judges are older conservative individuals. If the Husband/Father has an abundance of tattoos, I would definitely suggest that he consider wearing a long-sleeved shirt to “cover” the tattoos! Also, it would be advisable for the client to remove evidence of body piercings….ears, lips, nose, eyebrows, etc.

FOR WOMEN: The main point to remember……..you do not want to appear in Court as Sharon Stone appeared in “Basic Instinct”! This is not the time to appear to be “hot” or “sexy” especially if you are seeking custody of your child or children. You want to appear stable, sensible, warm and loving. Soft colors are better than bright and vibrant colors. Longer skirt lengths are better than short skirt lengths! You do not want to wear anything that would be considered “too short, too skimpy, too wild, too bold, or too sexy”.

I advise my clients to dress appropriately for Court. Dress as you would for church or an important job interview. If you are in the armed services, wearing your military attire is a very safe choice. If you look sloppy or inappropriate, the Judge or Magistrate may believe that you are showing or displaying a lack of respect for the Court. You have but one opportunity to create that “first impression”! So, consider these “do’s and don’ts” in advance of your Court date and make a good impression with the Judge.

Also, if you will be going to Court soon, please read our prior article from July of 2008, “10 Ways to Alienate the Judge” by clicking here. Looking good can only take you so far! Don’t make any of these other faux pas in court!

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Recognising the traumatic situation, children are in; divorce courts pay utmost importance to child welfare. Other than deciding child custodial issues, the legal process is also interested in child residential issues. Placing paramount importance to child welfare, the parents, mediators or the court might arrive at different decisions best suited to each individual case.

Splitting Siblings to Live With Different Parents

Each family is unique. In families where there are more than one or two children, each parent might decide to each take a child. This may be the best decision in the given circumstances, but splitting siblings is not good. Over the years, siblings form a common bond and turn role models and best friends to each other. They suffer much in the absence of the other.

If circumstances necessitate their separation, every effort must be made to reduce their pain. They should be enabled to maintain a regular contact with each other. Maximum separation anxiety is felt immediately after separation. This stage should be carefully handled.

As separation induces pain, parents are experimenting with a new concept called ‘nestling’ in a bid to protect their children from the pangs of separation.

Nestling – A New Concept

Children find it painful to vacate and relocate to a different place with their custodial parent. Even after relocating with the lone parent; they have to keep commuting between the houses of both their parents.

Constant travel is difficult. Parents realising the pain such disruption offers, leave the children in the marital home and shift to individual residences outside. They take turns in visiting the children every week.

This new concept of nestling does not enjoy long tenure success. Parents find it difficult to change residence every few days. This difficulty in commuting becomes more difficult when either parent remarries. Leaving behind the spouse and step children (if any) for even a few days every week proves difficult to manage.

Such disruption evokes mere silence from younger children, while, the older children (teenagers)react with anger.

How Teenagers React

The disruption in living arrangements and lifestyle in general, affects children but teenagers are more vociferous in their displeasure. They like children of all other age groups feel they are responsible for their parental divorce. The helplessness of their parental separation leaves them angry and they tend to blame one parent. Usually, the custodial parent bears the brunt of anger. Majority of teenagers seek solace in the false power of anger to deal with the negativity of divorce.

Parents can help their teenaged children, by taking care to not make them a part of the conflict. Parents generally make the mistake of repeatedly questioning the children about the ex spouse. Some even speak negatively about their ex in a bid to alienate the children. Such acts must be avoided.

Reactions of Other Family Members

Grandparent and grandchildren relationships are precious and every person looks forward to grand parenting. Arrival of tiny children at home gives all grandparents a second chance at parenting.

However, this much longed for relationship develops impediments by the acrimonious divorce of their offspring. Bitter divorce fights completely alienates grandparents from their grandchildren. Contact further diminishes if children are forced to relocate with their custodial parent to a different place. Geographical and emotional distance prevents children from bonding with their grandparents. They thus lose valuable grandparental love.

Divorce thus affects each and every family member including the pets.

Pet Visitation

The law treats pets as property. Couples have to work out their own arrangements regarding the time either gets to spend with the pet and also the sharing of pet maintenance expenditure. If there are children in the family, it is best to leave the pet in the same house as the children.

Divorce affects everyone in the family – children, grandparents, and even pets. Every effort is being made to minimise child discomfort. Each arrangement has certain inherent drawbacks. Nothing can be comparable to the warmth and secure atmosphere provided by a two parent family and an undivided home.

For information about Kentucky divorce, contact the Louisville Divorce Attorneys of Barrow & Weigel, PLLC.

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