Adoptions can be expensive, running from around $12,000 to $25,000 for home studies, agency fees, legal representation costs, facilitation fees and travel, among other items. What many people don’t realize is that there are alternatives for adoption funding.

Most people don’t think twice about signing loan papers for a car, but don’t want to do the same for an adoption. An adoption will last longer than the car and give more joy over a lifetime. The following information is to help you find a way to get started sooner than later and find a way to adopt no matter what your financial situation is.

Getting creative with funding is the key to financing the adoption you’ve been dreaming
about. Working toward adding a child to your family may not be easy, but it will be well
worth the effort taken to find these resources. Some families are finding through these suggestions they are able to adopt for free or for less than they had ever expected. Remember you get out what you put in, so the more research you do, the better you will be at finding money for your adoption.

” Employer’s adoption benefit – The first thing you want to check into is your employee adoption benefit- this is becoming more popular and more small and medium size companies are offering some type of adoption credit for their employees. For example, Verizon has a $10,000 adoption benefit, and Pepsi has a generous adoption benefit as well. Small companies have found tax benefits to offering these adoption incentives to their benefit package – ask your Human Resource Dept for
details. Or visit Adoption-Friendly Workplace Program. They offer free materials to help
people advocate for adoption benefits in their workplace. Call 877-777-4222 for details.

” The Federal Tax Credit is over $10,000. To learn more about this credit, visit Let’s Talk Adoption for an audio interview with a Tax Specialist explaining the details about the adoption tax credit and what you can and can’t deduct. Or, visit IRS for forms.

” Savings- sounds simple, but you have to start somewhere and it will help motivate you to add to it. If you have made the decision to adopt, start saving money right away; the sooner the better. Just cutting back on Starbucks lattes can help – at $5 a day you can stash enough to get you started.

” Raising Money With Online Auctions – Go through your garage, attic and house for treasures and unused items that you have stowed away and forgotten about. Ask friends for donations of items they don’t want. Run a free ad to ask for donations for funding your adoption. Selling these online through auction can aid you in raising a good amount of money. Try Ebay or Craigs List.

” Have a Yard Sale – Whatever you cannot sell online, you may be able to sell at a yard sale. Ask relatives and friends if they have any old usable items that they can donate toward your “Adoption Yard Sale.” Two hopeful adoptive mothers I know created banners to hang over their garage – stating they were funding their adoption and neighbors and other community families donated boxes and also bought at top dollar to
help them. Be sure to keep your signs all looking the same and mentioning Adoption Garage Sale. You might also make up flyers to pass around at church, local schools, and work.

” Adoption Grants – Though you may not be aware of them, there are some grants that perhaps may help with some of the expense of adopting a child. Many of these grants will help cover international adoptions, or adoptions of special needs adoptions. Most grants range from $2,000 – $5,000, but can go much higher if you fit the requirements. Often, these grants are need-based. Some are faith based – a list is
included the book Adopting Online found online or you may request a copy from your library. African American Adoptions offers grants for African
American infant and older child adoptions to qualifying adoptive parents

” Adoption Loans and Lines of Credit – Loan programs geared toward adoption are another alternative many prospective adoptive parents are unaware of. An adoption loan makes it possible to have the money needed to adopt a child now. It also allows you to repay the loan in payments. A line of credit can be even better, as you only borrow when you need it. This is a great idea if you simply do not have a large amount of cash on hand to fund an adoption, and payments would make adoption a great deal more affordable and allow you to get started faster. You might also ask your parents for a loan to help you adopt. Depending on the relationship, this might be the best way to get started and pay your adoption loan back. Visit Adoption Financing Information, they have more than one program and can also help families with less than perfect credit.

” Plan a Fundraiser – some families have successfully planned a Spaghetti Feed at their church. You might ask for donations of food and plan a silent auction from local businesses that want the extra exposure.

” Set up an “adoption walkathon” – ask friends and family to pledge a dollar per mile to help bring your child or baby home through adoption.

For any successful fundraiser, be sure to contact the local press, including radio stations for interviews and to post your event on www.craigslist.com and in flyers at local schools, churches, businesses and remember to let friends and family members know.

There are several ways to raise the money needed for adoption if you are creative. Having a yard sale or raising money through online auctions may not seem like it would bring you a lot of help, but it will. One mother I helped raised over $1,200 on one garage sale and over $2,500 on her online auctions. Two hours per night is all it takes to sell in online auctions. An exceptional amount can be raised if friends and family donate items to your cause. You might be surprised at how the extra items can make a difference.
Any amount helps, and if you still find yourself short of what you need, there are grants
and loans to help you obtain the money you need.

Remember the tax credit and employer benefits – these are the first to investigate.

With a little foresight and planning and the many adoption funding options available today, the average family has a chance to bring the light of love into their home with the adoption of a child. Families are able to adopt for much less than they might have thought. There are so many children out there that need the warm and secure home you have to offer; why not take advantage of every funding alternative available to you?
Completing your family circle with an adoption will soon be more than just a dream!

The actual data for the Afghanistan study indicated that the Army is trying to increase the number of mental health providers for the 68,000 US troops having problems such as acute stress, depression, and anxiety from the current number of 43 to roughly 103.  Seemingly, a very low number of counselors in my opinion!

“Every marriage has controllable and uncontrollable factors,” said Joe Davis, spokesman for the Veterans of Foreign Wars.  “But when you interject eight years of war, preparing for war, being at war, coming home and having to think about going back to war again – and when you have children – it just has a tremendous impact on the family unit. . . . Still at the end of the day, it’s that one mother or father who has to go home and close the door and be home alone with their children. There’s nothing you can do that will end the stress of having a loved one at war until the war ends,” said Davis.

The Pentagon acknowledges that their figures do not count veterans, who divorce after leaving the services, or reflect other possible wartime consequences on families, such as increases in alcoholism or the toll on orphaned or emotionally stressed children of troops.  Also, the figures do not speak to troubled but only intact marriages.  In an Army battlefield survey taken in Iraq in the spring, nearly 22 percent of young combat soldiers who were questioned said they planned to get a divorce or separation, compared to 12.4 percent in a survey conducted in 2003.

Regardless of how accurate the statistics are, the negative impact for military families and children by the two ongoing wars and repeated deployments continues to fracture military families.  Or, as a military’s spokesperson spins it, “In both theaters of operation, soldiers continued to face stress resulting from multiple deployments, but report feeling more prepared for the stress.”  Despite being “more prepared for the stress,” even the military acknowledges that troops in their third or fourth deployment reported significantly more acute stress and other psychological problems, and married soldiers among them reported significantly more marital problems compared to soldiers on their first or second deployment.

As a divorce lawyer, I can tell you how important it is for individuals living in their hometown in a relatively “stable” situation to have access to mental health counselors, therapists and support groups.  I can’t fathom the pain and burden of trying to fight a war abroad while being separated from a spouse and children and all the accompanying anxiety and stress. We certainly owe a huge debt of gratitude to each and every one of them!

For more information about this story, click here.

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A review of the research that I have seen also makes it clear that children, especially daughters, benefit considerably when the parent they are not living with nevertheless does everyday things with the child, from shopping, reading, visiting, doing homework, watching TV together, to spending holidays together.  For a school-age daughter, doing everyday-type things together with the parent she is not living with is the strongest predictor of psychological well-being.

Don’t Let Geographical Distance Deter You!

Perseverance may no doubt be required, but Dads need to press on to be as involved as much as they can with their children. I recently concluded representation of a father who has fought in a rural Ohio juvenile court for the last 4 years to expand his parenting time and to ultimately obtain an order of Shared Parenting for his 5-year-old daughter, despite his living in North Carolina. His perseverance was incredible as were the efforts of a dedicated Guardian ad Litem who flew two times to father’s home in North Carolina to evaluate firsthand their strong and developing father-daughter bond. This wise father had allowed his relationship with his daughter to grow naturally and gradually over the years. As much as he wanted her with him, he elected not to force any extended out-of-state visitation beyond his daughter’s comfort zone. What has occurred is that his daughter wants to spend as much time with him as possible. This child will have a much better chance to grow to become a very healthy adult because of Dad’s efforts despite a very contentious court battle. The child will be attending school in Ohio, but father has court-ordered parenting time both in Ohio and North Carolina as well as utilizing virtual visitation online to supplement his "in-person" contact. Dad continues to read books to her at night online with the use of a web camera.

I would like to share a quote by George Bernard Shaw which seems apropos:

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them."

If that one doesn’t work for you, here is one that I am sure my client would especially enjoy since it is from one of his heroes, Erin Brokovich:

"Take It From Me: Life’s a Struggle but You Can Win.”

Think outside the box. In this day and age, staying connected with a child is possible regardless of geographical distances, acrimonious litigation, work schedules or other obstacles. An excellent resource for helping parents dealing with these issues is the Separated Parenting Access and Resource Center (SPARC), a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting the best interests of children involved in custody and divorce proceedings. Click here to go to SPARC’s website. Also, you might be interested in reading my prior articles about Virtual Visitation. Click here to read the first about Utilizing Technology to Supplement Parenting Time. Click here to read the second about The Legal aspects of Virtual Visitation.

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Here are a few tips to help prepare you for the Court Room experience:

First, I strongly recommend you try to settle as many issues as possible before entering the Court Room.  This means the judge won’t be in control of everything.
Do not expect the Judge will always make decisions in your favor. There are three directions the judge can go when making a decision: Your way, your spouse’s way, or the Judge’s way. As you can see, two out three are not in your favor.
Discuss how you should act, and when to speak with you attorney before going into the courtroom. Do not speak unless asked to do so by the Judge.
When addressing the Judge with respect by addressing him/her as “Your Honor.”
Never speak to or make comments to your spouse when you are before the Judge.
Leave all hostile and negative emotions at the door. Do not make faces or gestures when the judge or your spouse’s attorney is speaking. Judges see this and do not appreciate it.
Dress for success. Your attorney will have a certain strategy on how he/she wants you to be portrayed. Therefore, consult your attorney on how he/she wants you to dress.
Take notes. Don’t leave anything to chance. Your attorney will be very busy during the process and cannot remember or write everything down.
Be prepared and stay organized. Bring as much information, documentation and any pertinent documents that you possibly can with you. It is better to have too much ammunition than not enough.
Be prepared to be in the court house for some time. You will sometimes wait for hours before your case is called.

You can get more divorce tips and strategies at www.DivorceAmmo.com

Divorce laws govern the dissolution of a marriage. Every country has its own laws regarding divorce and, in fact, divorce laws can vary from state to state or province to province within a nation. Knowing your jurisdiction’s divorce laws can keep a bad situation from becoming worse, and save you future turmoil.

In the United States, divorce laws, in general, provide two basic forms of divorce: fault based and no-fault based. However, even in some jurisdictions whose divorce laws do not require a party to claim fault of their partner, a court may still take into account the behavior of the parties when dividing property, debts, evaluating custody, and support.

Fault-based divorces can be contested and may involve allegations of collusion of the parties, connivance, or provocation by the other party.

In a no-fault divorce, the dissolution of a marriage does not require an allegation or proof of fault of either party. Forty-nine states have adopted no-fault divorce laws, with grounds for divorce including incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, and irremediable breakdown of the marriage. New York is the sole exception divorce laws there still require a proof of fault.

About 95 percent of divorces in the US are “uncontested,” because the two parties are able to work out an arrangement concerning property, debt, children and support issues. When the parties can agree and present the court with a fair and equitable agreement, approval of the divorce is almost guaranteed. If the parties can’t work out their differences, divorce laws govern the fair and equitable disposition of these issues.

Divorce laws generally recognize two types of property during property division proceedings – marital property and separate property. Marital property consists of property that the spouses acquire individually or jointly during the course of marriage. Under divorce laws, separate property constitutes any property that one spouse purchased and possessed prior to the marriage and that did not substantially change in value during the course of the marriage because of the efforts of one or both spouses. Under modern divorce laws, separate property is returned to its original owner, while marital property is divided according to negotiated settlement and what the court deems equitable.

In cases involving children, divorce laws attempt to ensure the matter does not spill over into the family court system. In many jurisdictions, divorce laws require divorcing parents to submit a parenting plan spelling out each party’s rights and responsibilities.

Divorce laws also provide for the establishment of alimony, often depending on the length of the marriage and other factors. Spousal support is becoming less common, however, as more women are entering the workforce and earning their own income.

Getting tired of all this? No one goes into a divorce adequately prepared to deal with all the changes and stresses. As active, high-functioning men and women, we want to do the best we can in the least amount of time. However, divorce is a process, not a single event, and it can be a long process. Even if the legal divorce takes only a few months, the fall-out (both emotional and financial) can continue for many years.

To prevent your divorce from becoming overwhelming, recognize that you cannot rush it. The legal system works at its own pace. It requires patience and energy. The emotional components also take their natural course. Each person heals in his/her own time. While there are things you can do to minimize the pain, the process will have to run its course.

Think of your divorce as a marathon, not a sprint. In a sprint, we gather all of our energy and push to our very limits right from the beginning of the race. We can exert that much energy for the sprint because it is short in duration. However, the body cannot sustain that exertion for long periods of time without collapsing. In contrast, the marathon runner must pace him/herself for the longer race. We train and prepare, sometimes for months, nurturing and preparing our bodies and minds with proper food, rest, and equipment. We must pace ourselves, knowing if we push too much in the first part of the race, we will lose our stamina.  When we do push, it is at times that maximize our position. We also know when it is important to coast. Every mile is not run with the same amount of exertion. It is wise to put more energy into the more challenging parts of the race.

This divorce is your marathon. Make sure you have good equipment (your attorney and therapist), and that you are in peak physical shape (enough rest, exercise, nourishing food). And as with the marathon, remember to strategize how you will use your energy. Some parts of the divorce require more energy and work, while others require very little exertion. Choose wisely how you will use your energy and resources; and at the end of the race, you will feel proud for having accomplished such a challenging, often grueling process. And you won’t have any regrets for a race well run.

In this divorce process, I am a marathon runner, running one of the most important races of my life. I will seriously consider how I want to use my energy, making sure I am as prepared as I can be. When it is over, I will be able to congratulate myself for a job well done. Running this race will empower me. It will reveal my strength and fortitude. This experience will change my life and better prepare me for other life challenges.

©2009. Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC is a licensed psychotherapist in Connecticut. Her newest book, Profileactics: A Guide for the Prevention of Ill-Conceived Personal Ads is available at bookstores everywhere, Amazon.com or at www.profileactics.com. This article is from her first book,  From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce which won an Honorable Mention Award by the Independent Publishers Association. To read more about the author and her work, please visit www.donnaferber.com.

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