Of course, it goes without saying that it is in the best interests of children when both parents are actively involved in their lives. Typically, children who have both parents raising them are more successful in many areas, including their academics. Unfortunately, due to divorce and circumstances such as parents living in different cities or states, one parent is excluded from involvement in their child’s school life. Often it seems that the father is the parent who does not feel needed or welcome in their child’s school world. Fathers are many times unaware of school happenings such as teacher-parent conferences, report card dates, or special events at the school. Research supports that when the non-resident father is even marginally involved in their child’s school life, the student is more likely to participate in extra-curricular activities, receive better grades, and enjoy school more.

Working with Non-Resident Fathers – A Guide for Educators of Children , a pamphlet published by Separated Parenting Access and Resource Center (SPARC), a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting the best interest of children in custody and divorce proceedings, is an excellent resource for the parent who feels out of the loop when it comes to their child’s school life.

It is filled with practical tips for the non-custodial parent as well as suggestions for teachers and school administrators. If you are feeling uninvolved in school activities, contact, or if possible, visit your child’s school to meet with his or her teacher to be sure that you will receive mailings and or emails about your child’s progress, as well as information about upcoming events. Ask about the school’s website and calendar as a way of keeping informed about what is happening. Many teachers have their own web-pages and keep grades and other pertinent information on line for parents to access.

If you are a school administrator or teacher, this pamphlet should be a definite read for you. It is chalk full of useful suggestions to make sure that you are doing all that you can do to include both parents so that the end result is that you have happy, involved, engaged children who are ready to learn.

To go to the SPARC website, click here. To read the publication, Working with Non-Resident Fathers – A Guide for Educators of Children, click here.

Bookmark and share this to:

View full post on Ohio Family Law Blog

{authorbox}

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz

From the Ohio Family Law Blog:

Fans of football in general, but more particularly fans of the West Virginia University Mountaineers and the Cincinnati Bengals, mourn the untimely loss of Chris Henry on December 17, 2009.  He was just twenty-six (26) years of age.  Henry had a stellar career as a wide receiver at West Virginia University and was drafted by the Cincinnati Bengals in the third (3rd) round of the 2005 draft.  He had some notable off-the-field problems and at least five (5) legal-related incidents but was seemingly back on track with both his football career and life when he sustained an injury to his forearm in mid-season of 2009.  During the Cincinnati-Baltimore game, Chris sustained a fracture to his left forearm and was thereafter placed on the “injured reserve” list.

On the evening of Wednesday, December 16, 2009, there was an incident described as a “domestic dispute” involving Henry and his fiancé, Loleini Tonga. Reports say that Ms. Tonga was attempting to leave a residence in North Carolina when Henry jumped into the bed of the pick-up truck she was driving.  Henry was later thrown from the bed of the truck.  He sustained massive head injuries and died the next morning.

Many legal questions remain.  I shall address them in chronological order:

• It will be most important to determine if Chris Henry had a Last Will and Testament or any other estate planning documents to protect Loleini Tonga and their children. Most persons at the age of twenty-six (26) believe they are invincible and do not need to have estate planning documents in place.
• His fiancé, Loleini Tonga, has no legal rights to anything in his estate, absent a Will, as she was not married to Chris Henry at the time of his death.  As a fiancé of Chris Henry, she has no rights to inherit from his estate unless he provided for her in a Will or a Living Trust document.
• There are reported to be three (3) children that Chris Henry and his fiancé were raising; some news articles indicate that he was the father of only two of them.  If Chris Henry is the biological Father of the children, had paternity been established?  Loleini Tonga would not be eligible to receive Social Security benefits on behalf of the children until or unless paternity is established.  And, now that Chris Henry is deceased, his fiancé may have to try to establish paternity of the three (3) children through the appropriate Juvenile Court in order to seek Social Security benefits on their behalf.  If the children are not born as issue of Chris Henry and Ms. Tonga’s relationship, his estate would not be responsible for them unless Henry had estate planning documents in place to address that issue. More specifically, his will could have specified who he would designate to serve as guardian of the person and/or estate of any minor children he might leave at the time of his death.  His will or trust could also have named a trustee to manage assets on his children’s behalf until they attained an appropriate age to take control themselves over the funds.

Recommendations:

1. If children are born out of wedlock, take immediate steps to establish paternity.  Parents cannot expect to receive child support benefits or Social Security benefits unless paternity is established and the biological father of the child or children has been identified and verified by Court Order.  Just signing the Birth Certificate is not enough to establish paternity in the State of Ohio.
2. If you are a man living in Ohio and believe that you may have impregnated a woman to whom you are not married, then you should consider registering with the Ohio Putative Father Registry.  This is an important step toward establishing paternity and protecting your rights if the mother should decide to put the child up for adoption.  Be sure to register before the child is a month old. Click here to learn more about the Registry and to link to the form that would need to be completed.
3. Regardless of your age, have a Last Will and Testament prepared to establish who shall inherit from you and to establish who shall be responsible for your minor children in the event of your premature demise.  In Ohio, anyone who is mentally competent over the age of eighteen (18) years old can execute a Will.
4. These recommendations are especially important if the fiancé/father is wealthy.  Loleini Tonga and the three (3) children she and Chris Henry were raising may now be in legal “limbo” until it is determined whether or not Chris provided for them in a Last Will and Testament (or other Trust documents) and if the paternity of the children in question had been legally established.

As a graduate of West Virginia University and a Bengal fan, I was personally saddened by his death. Coach Bill Stewart said, “Once a Mountaineer, always a Mountaineer … Chris was a big part of our success during his time here.  For me, he was a real joy to be around on a daily basis.  He came to work and loved to play football.” Bengal teammate Chad Ochocinco said, “My grandma always says you never question the man upstairs on decisions he makes. Everyone makes mistakes, but I don’t see how Chris was supposed to go already, especially when he was on the right path.”

His family shared last week that Chris is helping save the lives of others through organ donation. Life Center, a group that encourages and facilitates organ donation, said that Henry was an organ and cornea donor and that his organs were donated to at least five people. "When it’s a high-profile person or high-profile case, this really brings awareness that, wow, lives were saved as a result of something so tragic," said Andi Johnson, a representative of Life Center. If you are interested in more information on tissue and organ donation in Ohio, click here and you will be directed to the Donate Life Ohio website.

Remember, that each of us needs to have a plan and properly drawn estate planning documents which include how our assets should be distributed and whom we would want to raise our minor children in the event we were not able to do so.  Regardless of our age or physical prowess, none of us are “bullet proof.” It is very important to take all the appropriate steps to protect our loved ones and family members!

Bookmark and share this to:

View full post on Ohio Family Law Blog

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz

In spite of his mom’s death from breast cancer two years ago, 14-year-old Damian appeared to be doing well. He was experiencing typical adolescent issues with independence and responsibility, but seemed to be working those out with his dad. Damian was starting to think about college, motivated by a desire to “always make my mom proud of me.”

I was a bit taken aback when I shared my impressions with his dad. He became very quiet and simply said, “our family is not right. We need help.”

I finally realized that I was focusing on the wrong client. I stopped talking about Damian and instead questioned dad about how he was doing.

Dad spoke extensively about what it had been like over the past few years. He told me the story of the first time he met his wife, the only person he truly loved. They were together since junior year in high school and were each other’s best friend. He talked about how traumatic it was when he first learned of his wife’s cancer, and the painful three years he spent feeling helpless during her ordeal.

His story was one of love, loss and sadness. I’ve been well-trained to avoid overly emotional responses regardless of what a child or parent tells me during a session. That’s hard for someone like me who gets teary eyed at Hallmark commercials.

I met with dad a few more times, and then connected him with an adult therapist who focused on counseling issues around grief and loss. There was no need for me to meet again with Damian.

It’s difficult at times to determine the real reason why parents seek help for their children. For some parents, it is just too hard to initially acknowledge that the root of their unhappiness is more due to their issues than their children’s. Other parents, like Damian’s dad, focus so much attention on their children that they fail to recognize their own depression or other serious problems.

Here are a few guidelines to determine who really needs help in your family:

• If you have any problems with substance abuse, child abuse or domestic violence, first get help for yourself. Kids living in homes with such parents show little improvement until their parents deal with those issues.
• Unhappy marriages lead to unhappy parents. It’s hard to be a good mom or dad if you are in a bad relationship with your spouse.
• Parents with major mental disorders, such as psychosis or mood disorders, generally require medication as well as therapy. Again, focus on yourself first rather than your child.
• The experience of a major traumatic event will affect you both as a person and as a parent, so be sure you deal with those concerns.

It’s common for parents to put children as their top priority, but getting professional help for yourself is sometimes the best way to help your child.

To sign up to receive Dr. Ramey’s Family Wise monthly E-newsletter, click here.

[Reprinted by permission from the December 13, 2009, edition of the Dayton Daily News, “Ask yourself, who really needs help in your family”, Family Wise, Gregory Ramey, PhD]

Bookmark and share this to:

View full post on Ohio Family Law Blog

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz