Recognising the traumatic situation, children are in; divorce courts pay utmost importance to child welfare. Other than deciding child custodial issues, the legal process is also interested in child residential issues. Placing paramount importance to child welfare, the parents, mediators or the court might arrive at different decisions best suited to each individual case.

Splitting Siblings to Live With Different Parents

Each family is unique. In families where there are more than one or two children, each parent might decide to each take a child. This may be the best decision in the given circumstances, but splitting siblings is not good. Over the years, siblings form a common bond and turn role models and best friends to each other. They suffer much in the absence of the other.

If circumstances necessitate their separation, every effort must be made to reduce their pain. They should be enabled to maintain a regular contact with each other. Maximum separation anxiety is felt immediately after separation. This stage should be carefully handled.

As separation induces pain, parents are experimenting with a new concept called ‘nestling’ in a bid to protect their children from the pangs of separation.

Nestling – A New Concept

Children find it painful to vacate and relocate to a different place with their custodial parent. Even after relocating with the lone parent; they have to keep commuting between the houses of both their parents.

Constant travel is difficult. Parents realising the pain such disruption offers, leave the children in the marital home and shift to individual residences outside. They take turns in visiting the children every week.

This new concept of nestling does not enjoy long tenure success. Parents find it difficult to change residence every few days. This difficulty in commuting becomes more difficult when either parent remarries. Leaving behind the spouse and step children (if any) for even a few days every week proves difficult to manage.

Such disruption evokes mere silence from younger children, while, the older children (teenagers)react with anger.

How Teenagers React

The disruption in living arrangements and lifestyle in general, affects children but teenagers are more vociferous in their displeasure. They like children of all other age groups feel they are responsible for their parental divorce. The helplessness of their parental separation leaves them angry and they tend to blame one parent. Usually, the custodial parent bears the brunt of anger. Majority of teenagers seek solace in the false power of anger to deal with the negativity of divorce.

Parents can help their teenaged children, by taking care to not make them a part of the conflict. Parents generally make the mistake of repeatedly questioning the children about the ex spouse. Some even speak negatively about their ex in a bid to alienate the children. Such acts must be avoided.

Reactions of Other Family Members

Grandparent and grandchildren relationships are precious and every person looks forward to grand parenting. Arrival of tiny children at home gives all grandparents a second chance at parenting.

However, this much longed for relationship develops impediments by the acrimonious divorce of their offspring. Bitter divorce fights completely alienates grandparents from their grandchildren. Contact further diminishes if children are forced to relocate with their custodial parent to a different place. Geographical and emotional distance prevents children from bonding with their grandparents. They thus lose valuable grandparental love.

Divorce thus affects each and every family member including the pets.

Pet Visitation

The law treats pets as property. Couples have to work out their own arrangements regarding the time either gets to spend with the pet and also the sharing of pet maintenance expenditure. If there are children in the family, it is best to leave the pet in the same house as the children.

Divorce affects everyone in the family – children, grandparents, and even pets. Every effort is being made to minimise child discomfort. Each arrangement has certain inherent drawbacks. Nothing can be comparable to the warmth and secure atmosphere provided by a two parent family and an undivided home.

For information about Kentucky divorce, contact the Louisville Divorce Attorneys of Barrow & Weigel, PLLC.

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When a couple decides their marriage is over, a tremendous sense of grief and relief are felt. A recently divorced person will feel grief over the loss of their marriage and the loss of their partner in life. But there is also a sense of relief that the pain and anguish is now over and their healing can begin. For couples without children divorce is a far simpler process. They are not continually seeing each other to bring up all those bad feelings over and over again. When children are involved parents must learn their new roles and coexist quickly to minimize the negative effects of divorce on children.

The effects of divorce on children can be very traumatic.

Some children blame themselves for the divorce, believing that they caused their parent’s divorce due to their bad behavior or not listening. Some children just shut down after the divorce and find it very difficult to express their feelings. Often they look as sad as they feel, withdrawing from friends and activities they once enjoyed.

The effects of divorce on children can harm their future.

The effects of divorce on children can be detrimental to their future relationships. Children sometimes feel betrayed by their parents, resulting in a mistrust of others. This inability to trust others hinders their ability to form intimate relationships.

Parents can minimize the effects of divorce on children

The good news is that the effects of divorce on children can be minimized by their parents. Parents can reassure their kids that the divorce is not their fault. It is also important for parents to make their child feel safe by reassuring their child that they are loved by both parents. It is also important to let your child know that parents do not divorce their children. Tell your child that you are available to answer any questions they might have about the divorce. The effects of divorce on children will be less severe if the couple is able to put aside their differences as much as possible and work together to provide a loving, safe and consistent environment in both parents homes.

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The following is an article from California divorce attorney Jean Mahserjian. Its recommendations about divorce preparation will offer guidance to anyone considering a divorce, no matter what state they live in. The article is as follows:

California divorce preparation could prove to be a complex task. You might be dismayed if your spouse reveals that he or she will seek a divorce. What is more, you might return home someday to an empty home and a note, with your spouse and kids having moved out. If that takes place, you may be entirely unable to undertake any California divorce and separation planning yourself.

On the other hand, your partner could have strategized properly and you could determine that belongings have been hidden away or expended over time, or that a transfer was thoughtfully organized using the aid of an advocate with the plan to control a spousal support dispute. Though that type of orchestrated sneaky prep goes on rarely, it does come about and should serve as an example to any person who is thinking over a California divorce and separation: prep and tactics are vital and had better be looked at by everyone.

To insure that you are undertaking the best California divorce preparation and applying the best legal tactics, you might need the aid of a lawyer. An experienced California domestic lawyer has seen it all. He or she has handled enough lawsuits to realize what maneuvers may be employed by their adversary, what maneuvers are effective, and what maneuvers would work for your family situation.

Engaging in tactics and planning does not have to mean that you are moving towards divorce or separation litigation. It signals that you are aware of the facts of the case and your objectives and you have carefully planned how to get where you want to go. A adept settlement negotiation doesn’t happen without quite a bit of thoughtfulness and preparation. Numbers of clients fail to see the real value that they obtained from their lawyer. As a matter of fact, some people will claim that they did every bit of work in compiling information or in obtaining information for their lawyer, just to be confronted with a significant bill, and they want to know why. The “why” is found in the California lawyer’s experience level and the lawyer’s capability in preparation of your tactics in order to obtain the resolution you requested.

The tactics and planning that you should undertake before starting a California divorce and separation are critical. There are some things that everybody will have to do, including obtaining all of your economic documents. Some preparation and tactical issues will be unique to your own matter, including, the facts of your married life and your situation at the time.

Notwithstanding your own circumstances, your preparation should be undertaken after a careful analysis of the pertinent facts and a thorough conversation about your goals with your lawyer.
Various people confronting the same circumstances could consider different California divorce plans simply because they are focused on different results. If settling your case amicably and avoiding litigation are significant to you, your lawyer may have to engage in different tactics than if you want a court to make the decisions. If your lawyer understands all of your facts and your particular goals, your lawyer should be able to work on an outline that should get you the results you want.

Since divorce and separation is typically a battle regarding income and assets, obtaining the relevant documents about your particular finances will be a very important task. It is imperative that you locate copies of at least the last several years income tax returns and your w-2 and your partner’s w-2 for every job. If those documents cannot be located, it is easy to obtain copies from the IRS.

If you want to undertake this secretly and you do not want your spouse to know that you are doing divorce preparation, request that those documents be delivered to your employment address, an acquaintance, or to the office of your lawyer.
An outline of the history of your marriage is important to other matters that your California divorce lawyer will need to consider. Many lawyers require that you create a chronicle to help them. If your lawyer does not require an outline, write one up anyway. The time spent on doing so can help your lawyer to address matters like fault, custody, and support, and it could save your lawyer time needed for preparation of your matter and thus, reduce the cost of your divorce.

The more time that you spend getting, and organizing important facts and documents for your California divorce and separation lawyer, the less effort you will spend in your lawyer’s office talking over those issues. That translates into less time spent with fact finding and more of your resources spent on tactics and preparation.

For information about Kentucky divorce, contact the Louisville Divorce Attorneys of Barrow & Weigel, PLLC.

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Although this article by Guy J. Vitetta refers to South Carolina laws, it serves as a good guide for anyone facing a divorce. The full article is as follows:

Regardless of the type of divorce process you choose to use, it is important to identify your marital estate. The marital estate is defined by the South Carolina Equitable Apportionment Statute and generally comprises all assets and debts acquired by either party during the marriage, regardless of title. As you can guess, there are numerous exceptions to this rule, so discuss this issue carefully with your attorney. For starters, however, you should begin to gather the following information, regardless of how it was obtained or who obtained it, as long as it was obtained during the marriage. Gather information on an asset used during the marriage, regardless of when it was obtained.

An example of an “asset” would be your residence, a car, a boat, a valuable piece of artwork, a retirement account, or an investment account. An asset is anything that is worth money! Don’t worry about loans on the assets (such as your mortgage or a car loan), because you will be listing all of these debts separately. The result will be your “net” marital estate.

Here is a brief checklist to help guide you with this process. It is by no means a comprehensive list, so anticipate that your attorney will need more information, but it is a good starting place.

Income/ Assets:

• Income tax returns for the previous five years

• Retirement account statements; one from the date of marriage, one current.

• Estimated valuation of all real estate acquired during the marriage

• Estimated value of the marital residence, if owned

• Statements from current investment accounts

• Statements from college savings accounts for minor children

• Estimated (Blue Book) value of all automobiles

• Itemization of all valuable artwork, jewelry, etc. with estimate of values

• Copies of all trusts

• Copies of all whole life insurance policies or annuities

• Recent statements from whole life and annuity policies

• Copies of all corporate papers; Sub S Corp’s, LLC’s etc.

Debts

• Current credit card statements

• Current mortgage balances (1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc….)

• Automobile loans

• Promissory notes

• Student loans

• Secured loans

• Other debts and obligations (unsecured)

In complicated cases, a financial professional is helpful to assist in establishing the value of the marital estate. In the more straightforward cases, you and your lawyer can establish the values using and Excell or Numbers spreadsheet, or just a pencil and paper!

The bottom line is that you want to identify everything that was obtained during the marriage, or used as marital property during the marriage regardless of how it was obtained.

HOT TIP: You will also want to have this information very well organized for your attorney or financial professional. You pay these people by the hour, so the less time they need to spend organizing your financial matters, the less money you will pay for this service!

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Getting divorced is one of the most difficult steps in life, not only it affects you but it negative effects on your children who in most cases are in the middle of all discussions. When problems go unsolved between husband and wife, and small discussions escalate into big fights it is important to look for marriage counseling, if this doesn’t solve the situation and you both have tried several methods then the smartest and healthiest decision for you both is to get divorced.

Some couples think of divorce as a step which should be avoided or out of the question in any marriage because it causes suffering and social discomfort, however the most important thing to remember is that you need to keep your health as well as safeguard the mental/physical health of your children.

Divorce battles can be very harsh on your kids, they are often caught in the middle of intense arguments and can sometimes blame themselves for the problems their parents are having. Once the court has decided who is going to be the parent in charge of the children (custodial parent) you can then make arrangements in order to set a proper schedule for the other parent to visit the kids.

A very important step to take when going through a divorce is the creation of a “parenting plan” with the help of a professional or mediator which would help you coordinate this schedule. Children will always come in first during these plans since they are the ones suffering the emotional distress which may affect their lives in more ways that you can imagine.

Such plan needs to provide a schedule indicating just how much time the kids spend with each parent, because one of the parents is the custodian of the children this will be an unequal division however the parent which doesn’t have custody of the children should be allowed to talk to them on a daily basis during hours which are not intrusive. Communication can also be done through email or instant messaging.

After the separation has become official setting a pick-up and drop-off points for visits will help you both avoid confrontations which will cause discomfort to the kids. Using places such as your children school or a library is a good idea, remember that the decision to get divorced was taken for your own good, even if you are not together all time.

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You’ve had it. She’s a cheating witch. He’s a lazy bum. It’s time for a divorce.

And it’s going to be an all-out war.

Stop. Don’t make the common mistakes that angry and hurt couples often do. Take some advice from divorce lawyers and a judge who have seen it all. You still have time to learn from these stories.

Read the full article from the Orlando Sentinel.

Thanks to J. Douglas Barics of New York Family Law and Divorce for the link to this humorous and helpful article.

For information about Kentucky divorce, contact the Louisville Divorce Attorneys of Barrow & Weigel, PLLC.

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Divorce360 posted a fascinating article describing a recent study of servicewomen. Until 2006, no one had studied divorce and divorce rates among women in the military. Recent information gathered from the pentagon indicates that military women are far more likely to see their marriage end in divorce than their male counterparts. According to the study, 7% of military women are divorced – roughly twice the figure for civilian women. On the other hand, only 2.7% of men in the military get divorced. For insights in this discrepancy, read the full article here.

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I was reading through the archives of KentuckyLiving magazine and came across an excellent article from Jim Thompson. The article is almost 9 years old, but provides information helpful to men and women beginning the divorce process today. The article is as follows:

First of all, both men and women should realize that their standard of living will suffer because of the divorce, at least initially.

Second, get a handle on your finances. Try to project your financial future and the income needed to support it. If children are involved, who will have custody? Will maintenance or alimony as well as child support be a factor?

Taxable or tax-deductible?
In the emotional upheaval of the divorce, tax law may seem insignificant. But reality will hit hard when your tax bill suddenly becomes more than you can afford to pay.

If your final decree is before year’s end, you lose any right to claim a spousal exemption.

Newly separated or divorced couples sometime assume that child support and alimony are one and the same. False.

Child support is a fixed payment designated by a divorce or separation agreement as being specifically for the support of the child. Payments for support of minor children are not deductible, nor are they taxable to the recipient. Alimony, on the other hand, is a set amount paid to a former spouse in accordance with a divorce decree. Payments are taxable to the person receiving them and tax-deductible for the person making them.

While the cost of obtaining or resisting a divorce is not deductible, you can deduct fees paid to an investment adviser or accountant for related tax advice. You also may be able to deduct fees paid to other professionals, such as appraisers and actuaries.

House & pension plan
The two most valuable assets involved in a divorce are usually the house and the pension plan.

The value of the pension plan can be split between the two spouses. Future benefits and earnings go into the account of the person earning the pension. The other person may have the choice of taking his or her share in a lump sum or as ongoing income in retirement.

Reducing divorce costs
In a mildly complicated divorce case, the expenses could easily go up to $15,000 to $20,000 per spouse. You can contain these costs.

One key is resolving disputes before they bog down in court. Don’t battle over furniture, cars, and personal property not worth the cost of litigation.

Go for mediation. This is an informal process in which a neutral third person helps warring parties resolve their disputes.

As a means of cutting costs, settlement before trial is critical. More than 90 percent of all divorce cases are settled before going in front of a judge.

Divorce won’t be easy for either party, but having a handle on finances will help you focus on how the assets can best be split to benefit both parties.

Divorce Do’s & Don’ts
DO
· Collect financial information and organize it prior to seeing your lawyer. Be reasonable in your expectations. Do not expect your spouse to be punished or yourself to be rewarded.

· Look at the long-term financial effects of the proposed settlement, such as future tax consequences and cash-flow issues.

· Try to work out personal-property issues with your spouse. A judge won’t know the personal significance of the record collection or the silver service.

· Be patient. It can take time to unravel a marriage, especially one that has lasted for a number of years.

DON’T
· Sign papers or agreements just to get the process over with. You could be forfeiting your financial security or agreeing to something you will later regret.

· Expect your spouse to be fair to you or good to you.

· Sign blank tax returns or any other forms.

· Share your spouse’s attorney. There could be a conflict of interest, even if you plan on an amicable divorce.

· Lie or exaggerate to your attorney.

· Hesitate to hire trained experts to assist you. Tax advisers, certified divorce planners, career counselors, and estate planners may help you now and could save you some grief and money later on.

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