The Daily Breeze recently published an article on the finanical planning that divorcing spouses should consider.  The article suggests that in addition to having good divorce attorneys involved, that divorcing spouses should also consider involving a “divorce savvy” finanical planner.  One of the soundest pieces of advice that the artilce suggests is also something I always tell my divorce clients: get a copy of there credit report.  You can usually get a free copy once a year from a service like www.freecreditreport.com.

The author also recommends removing your ex’s name from all joint bank accounts and considering whether you should refinance any joint debt that cannot easily be divided between the two of you.

Here is a link to the full article.

This post from the AlabamaFamilyLawBlog.com where you can find information about Alabama divorce and family law.

Financial Planning for Divorcing Spouses

Related divorce and family law info:

1. Step 2B – Determine what you owe Step 2B – Determine what you owe We are still…
2. Protect your credit in the event of divorce If you are facing divorce this, you need to take…
3. 10 Steps to a Money Smart Divorce Here is a link to an article at MSN Money…
4. Debt and Divorce A recurring issue in my divorce practice is how to…
5. Secrets to a Happy Marriage – Part One In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, my friend, Ben Stevens,…

View full post on AlabamaFamilyLawBlog.com

{authorbox}

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz

The Indiana House has a bill ending child support at 19 instead of 21. The abstract seems a radical change:

“Duty to support a child. Provides that the duty to support a child ceases when the child becomes 19 years of age. (Current law provides that the duty to support a child ceases when the child becomes 21 years of age.)”

Actually. the statute only changes the age of 21 to 19 while retaining the obligation to provide for education when there is an order for educational benefits. Rather nice to see the General Assembly make a surgical change change to a statute than a complete overhaul (and leaving us to deal with the overhaul’s unintended consequences).

This probably is an overdue change. I do not know how many clients have been surprised (more often unpleasantly) that child support does not end at age 18. Maybe worse, I cannot provide an explanation of why support continues to 21. (I have always assumed the reason being that educational benefits came in after the statute establishing child support ended at 21, and the intent was to support children going to post-secondary schools.)

View full post on Sam Hasler’s Indiana Divorce & Family Law Blog

{authorbox}

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz

How do I tell the children about the divorce?

It is one of the toughest tasks that accompanies a divorce.  How do we tell the children? I recently came across a good article that advised parents facing divorce to avoid these three mistakes when telling the children:

1. Pressuring the children to make a choice,
2. Forgetting to emphasize that the children did not cause the divorce, and
3. Sharing information that only adults should be aware of.

You can read the entire article here.  In the article, the author elaborates on each point. I want to specifically emphasize the third point.  Divorce attorneys see this mistake made all of the time (sharing information with the children that only adults should be aware of).  It is typically done when one parent is hurt and mad at the other because they have somehow been wronged.  Often it is when adultery is involved.  The parent decides to tell the children the reason mommy and daddy are getting  divorce is because “your father has a girlfriend” (or something like that).  When asked why in the world they would tell their children this, they justify it by saying, “the children deserve to know the truth” or “I was just being honest with them.”

DO NOT DO THIS. Really.  It is incredibly selfish and immature and it hurts your children.  I know there may be some circumstances where it may be necessary.  Maybe the child is 17 and the affair was with a teacher at the school and so all of her friends are going to find out (yes, I’ve seen it happen).  But, even in those situations, slow down. Check your motivation.  Are you really protecting your child by telling her?  Is it really necessary? I find that often it is not.  Don’t do it to your children.  The divorce is going to be hard enough on them.

Finally, I would add one more to the author’s list: Remind them that both mom and dad still love them. Children in divorce need to be reminded that the breakup of the marriage does not mean that either parent no longer loves them.  This is VERY important.  Even if you are the spouse who did not want the divorce, make sure they know that the other spouse still loves them and the divorce does not mean they don’t.  They need to hear that.

NOTE: The author of the article offers some resources at the end of the article to assist in telling the children about divorce. I have not reviewed them myself, but I have talked to the author in the past and I have heard very good reports about those resources.  You may want to check them out if you are facing divorce and are not sure how to tell the kids.

This post from the AlabamaFamilyLawBlog.com where you can find information about Alabama divorce and family law.

Telling the Kids About the Divorce

Related divorce and family law info:

1. Helping Children Survive Divorce I recently came across a website called Focus on Your…
2. How to Make the Holidays Easier on Children in Separated Families The Bozeman Daily Chronicle recently published an article entitled “Holidays…
3. Advice for Divorcing Parents If you have read this blog for any length of…
4. What to ask before you say “I Do” A new survey asked a sample of 1,000 adults what…
5. It is Up to Parents There is nothing worse in the area of divorce and…

View full post on AlabamaFamilyLawBlog.com

{authorbox}

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz

Not my idea but something published by the Indianapolis Business Journal’s NewsTalk blog:

Vetting your sweetheart

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, a Purdue University expert recommends the marriage-minded conduct some pragmatic due diligence before engagement rings find their way onto fingers.

It’s widely known that financial problems undermine many a marriage. To that end, Sharon Burns, an associate professor of consumer sciences and retailing, suggests looking for bad habits before they wreak havoc. Not easy to do during such a passionate time, maybe, but still wise. Here they are:

–Your sweetheart has borrowed lots of money from you once or has borrowed from you more than once. This can signal they’re living above their means or managing money poorly.

–He or she buys lots of the latest clothes, gadgets, cars and other luxuries. Big spending can reveal their needing a crutch to make them feel better and, ultimately, personal insecurity or lack of discipline.

–Your love needs financial help from family or friends. “Mature adults support themselves,” Burns says.

–They pay for normal living expenses with credit cards and then don’t pay the bill in full at the end of the month, a “sure sign of disaster ahead.”

–They can’t hold down a job. In a normal economy, you should wonder if they’re lazy or lack self discipline.

Which leaves me wondering if the old idea of courtship doesn’t have something over dating? After all, if one has been courting (or long term dating) how can one fail to notice that the significant other has problems holding down a job?

Which then leads me to wonder if the divorce rate’s climbing numbers has less to do with some ill-defined ease of getting a divorce and more with the parties being less well-prepared for marriage.

And I will leave you with this last thought: the law can do a lot but society can do even more.

View full post on Sam Hasler’s Indiana Divorce & Family Law Blog

{authorbox}

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz

The number one reason otherwise qualified families state for not moving forward in their
adoption is because of funds. They are ready to love a child through adoption, but are unable to adopt the child that they have always wanted due to money concerns. As sad as this is, we faced the same thing 20 years ago and found if there is a will there is a way.

Adoptions can be expensive, running from around $12,000 to $25,000 for home studies, agency fees, legal representation costs, facilitation fees and travel, among other items. What many people don’t realize is that there are alternatives for adoption funding.

Most people don’t think twice about signing loan papers for a car, but don’t want to do the same for an adoption. An adoption will last longer than the car and give more joy over a lifetime. The following information is to help you find a way to get started sooner than later and find a way to adopt no matter what your financial situation is.

Getting creative with funding is the key to financing the adoption you’ve been dreaming
about. Working toward adding a child to your family may not be easy, but it will be well
worth the effort taken to find these resources. Some families are finding through these suggestions they are able to adopt for free or for less than they had ever expected. Remember you get out what you put in, so the more research you do, the better you will be at finding money for your adoption.

” Employer’s adoption benefit – The first thing you want to check into is your employee adoption benefit- this is becoming more popular and more small and medium size companies are offering some type of adoption credit for their employees. For example, Verizon has a $10,000 adoption benefit, and Pepsi has a generous adoption benefit as well. Small companies have found tax benefits to offering these adoption incentives to their benefit package – ask your Human Resource Dept for
details. Or visit Adoption-Friendly Workplace Program. They offer free materials to help
people advocate for adoption benefits in their workplace. Call 877-777-4222 for details.

” The Federal Tax Credit is over $10,000. To learn more about this credit, visit Let’s Talk Adoption for an audio interview with a Tax Specialist explaining the details about the adoption tax credit and what you can and can’t deduct. Or, visit IRS for forms.

” Savings- sounds simple, but you have to start somewhere and it will help motivate you to add to it. If you have made the decision to adopt, start saving money right away; the sooner the better. Just cutting back on Starbucks lattes can help – at $5 a day you can stash enough to get you started.

” Raising Money With Online Auctions – Go through your garage, attic and house for treasures and unused items that you have stowed away and forgotten about. Ask friends for donations of items they don’t want. Run a free ad to ask for donations for funding your adoption. Selling these online through auction can aid you in raising a good amount of money. Try Ebay or Craigs List.

” Have a Yard Sale – Whatever you cannot sell online, you may be able to sell at a yard sale. Ask relatives and friends if they have any old usable items that they can donate toward your “Adoption Yard Sale.” Two hopeful adoptive mothers I know created banners to hang over their garage – stating they were funding their adoption and neighbors and other community families donated boxes and also bought at top dollar to
help them. Be sure to keep your signs all looking the same and mentioning Adoption Garage Sale. You might also make up flyers to pass around at church, local schools, and work.

” Adoption Grants – Though you may not be aware of them, there are some grants that perhaps may help with some of the expense of adopting a child. Many of these grants will help cover international adoptions, or adoptions of special needs adoptions. Most grants range from $2,000 – $5,000, but can go much higher if you fit the requirements. Often, these grants are need-based. Some are faith based – a list is
included the book Adopting Online found online or you may request a copy from your library. African American Adoptions offers grants for African
American infant and older child adoptions to qualifying adoptive parents

” Adoption Loans and Lines of Credit – Loan programs geared toward adoption are another alternative many prospective adoptive parents are unaware of. An adoption loan makes it possible to have the money needed to adopt a child now. It also allows you to repay the loan in payments. A line of credit can be even better, as you only borrow when you need it. This is a great idea if you simply do not have a large amount of cash on hand to fund an adoption, and payments would make adoption a great deal more affordable and allow you to get started faster. You might also ask your parents for a loan to help you adopt. Depending on the relationship, this might be the best way to get started and pay your adoption loan back. Visit Adoption Financing Information, they have more than one program and can also help families with less than perfect credit.

” Plan a Fundraiser – some families have successfully planned a Spaghetti Feed at their church. You might ask for donations of food and plan a silent auction from local businesses that want the extra exposure.

” Set up an “adoption walkathon” – ask friends and family to pledge a dollar per mile to help bring your child or baby home through adoption.

For any successful fundraiser, be sure to contact the local press, including radio stations for interviews and to post your event on www.craigslist.com and in flyers at local schools, churches, businesses and remember to let friends and family members know.

There are several ways to raise the money needed for adoption if you are creative. Having a yard sale or raising money through online auctions may not seem like it would bring you a lot of help, but it will. One mother I helped raised over $1,200 on one garage sale and over $2,500 on her online auctions. Two hours per night is all it takes to sell in online auctions. An exceptional amount can be raised if friends and family donate items to your cause. You might be surprised at how the extra items can make a difference.
Any amount helps, and if you still find yourself short of what you need, there are grants
and loans to help you obtain the money you need.

Remember the tax credit and employer benefits – these are the first to investigate.

With a little foresight and planning and the many adoption funding options available today, the average family has a chance to bring the light of love into their home with the adoption of a child. Families are able to adopt for much less than they might have thought. There are so many children out there that need the warm and secure home you have to offer; why not take advantage of every funding alternative available to you?
Completing your family circle with an adoption will soon be more than just a dream!

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz

The Pentagon reported the divorce rate among military members increased again in the past year and is now a full percentage point higher than it was around the time of the September 11, 2001, attacks.  According to their figures, the divorce rate of about 3.6 percent for fiscal year 2009 increased from the reported 2001 rate of 2.6 percent.  Women in uniform continued to have a much higher divorce rate than their male counterparts – 7.7% in 2009 compared with only 3% for men.  Air Force Maj. April Cunningham, a Defense Department spokeswoman, said the latest year-to-year change was relatively small because the services have made available programs focused on strengthening and enriching family bonds among couples.  “We believe these programs are instrumental in mitigating the stresses deployment places on marriages,” said Cunningham.

The actual data for the Afghanistan study indicated that the Army is trying to increase the number of mental health providers for the 68,000 US troops having problems such as acute stress, depression, and anxiety from the current number of 43 to roughly 103.  Seemingly, a very low number of counselors in my opinion!

“Every marriage has controllable and uncontrollable factors,” said Joe Davis, spokesman for the Veterans of Foreign Wars.  “But when you interject eight years of war, preparing for war, being at war, coming home and having to think about going back to war again – and when you have children – it just has a tremendous impact on the family unit. . . . Still at the end of the day, it’s that one mother or father who has to go home and close the door and be home alone with their children. There’s nothing you can do that will end the stress of having a loved one at war until the war ends,” said Davis.

The Pentagon acknowledges that their figures do not count veterans, who divorce after leaving the services, or reflect other possible wartime consequences on families, such as increases in alcoholism or the toll on orphaned or emotionally stressed children of troops.  Also, the figures do not speak to troubled but only intact marriages.  In an Army battlefield survey taken in Iraq in the spring, nearly 22 percent of young combat soldiers who were questioned said they planned to get a divorce or separation, compared to 12.4 percent in a survey conducted in 2003.

Regardless of how accurate the statistics are, the negative impact for military families and children by the two ongoing wars and repeated deployments continues to fracture military families.  Or, as a military’s spokesperson spins it, “In both theaters of operation, soldiers continued to face stress resulting from multiple deployments, but report feeling more prepared for the stress.”  Despite being “more prepared for the stress,” even the military acknowledges that troops in their third or fourth deployment reported significantly more acute stress and other psychological problems, and married soldiers among them reported significantly more marital problems compared to soldiers on their first or second deployment.

As a divorce lawyer, I can tell you how important it is for individuals living in their hometown in a relatively “stable” situation to have access to mental health counselors, therapists and support groups.  I can’t fathom the pain and burden of trying to fight a war abroad while being separated from a spouse and children and all the accompanying anxiety and stress. We certainly owe a huge debt of gratitude to each and every one of them!

For more information about this story, click here.

Bookmark and share this to:

View full post on Ohio Family Law Blog

{authorbox}

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz

A large body of research overwhelmingly suggests children do best when they have both a mother and a father involved in their lives. Specifically, children whose fathers participate in raising them do better in school, are less likely to get into trouble with the law, and are more likely to be better parents themselves. While more fathers are being awarded legal custody of their children, the statistics seem to indicate that the majority (between 75 and 85 percent) are awarded to mothers. Today, nearly 20 million children live in a home without a father (2002 U.S. Bureau of the Census). Recent Census Bureau child-custody statistics indicate that nearly 40% of non-custodial fathers have no access or visitation rights whatsoever with their children.  A very troubling statistic, indeed! Of those that do have visitation rights, what percentage are actually seeing their children regularly? The statistics in the studies vary greatly. But it seems clear that frequently the amount of contact the children have with their fathers diminishes over time.  A recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family finds that children born outside of marriage are less likely to be visited by their father when the mother is involved in a new romantic relationship. It also finds that the mother’s social decisions typically have a direct affect on the contact between a father and his child. However, like most studies which I have read, it concludes that non-residential fathers SHOULD continue visitation despite the inherent complications when mother starts dating as it is in the long term best interests of the child.

A review of the research that I have seen also makes it clear that children, especially daughters, benefit considerably when the parent they are not living with nevertheless does everyday things with the child, from shopping, reading, visiting, doing homework, watching TV together, to spending holidays together.  For a school-age daughter, doing everyday-type things together with the parent she is not living with is the strongest predictor of psychological well-being.

Don’t Let Geographical Distance Deter You!

Perseverance may no doubt be required, but Dads need to press on to be as involved as much as they can with their children. I recently concluded representation of a father who has fought in a rural Ohio juvenile court for the last 4 years to expand his parenting time and to ultimately obtain an order of Shared Parenting for his 5-year-old daughter, despite his living in North Carolina. His perseverance was incredible as were the efforts of a dedicated Guardian ad Litem who flew two times to father’s home in North Carolina to evaluate firsthand their strong and developing father-daughter bond. This wise father had allowed his relationship with his daughter to grow naturally and gradually over the years. As much as he wanted her with him, he elected not to force any extended out-of-state visitation beyond his daughter’s comfort zone. What has occurred is that his daughter wants to spend as much time with him as possible. This child will have a much better chance to grow to become a very healthy adult because of Dad’s efforts despite a very contentious court battle. The child will be attending school in Ohio, but father has court-ordered parenting time both in Ohio and North Carolina as well as utilizing virtual visitation online to supplement his "in-person" contact. Dad continues to read books to her at night online with the use of a web camera.

I would like to share a quote by George Bernard Shaw which seems apropos:

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, make them."

If that one doesn’t work for you, here is one that I am sure my client would especially enjoy since it is from one of his heroes, Erin Brokovich:

"Take It From Me: Life’s a Struggle but You Can Win.”

Think outside the box. In this day and age, staying connected with a child is possible regardless of geographical distances, acrimonious litigation, work schedules or other obstacles. An excellent resource for helping parents dealing with these issues is the Separated Parenting Access and Resource Center (SPARC), a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting the best interests of children involved in custody and divorce proceedings. Click here to go to SPARC’s website. Also, you might be interested in reading my prior articles about Virtual Visitation. Click here to read the first about Utilizing Technology to Supplement Parenting Time. Click here to read the second about The Legal aspects of Virtual Visitation.

Bookmark and share this to:

View full post on Ohio Family Law Blog

{authorbox}

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz

When it comes to the Court Room, you will find this to be a pretty place.  Once the divorce proceedings begin, the outcome of your divorce is in the hands of a total stranger – the Judge.  You no longer have control. All decisions will now be made by a stranger. Of course this stranger may be having a bad day, not feeling well, or even have had a major fight with their spouse the night before.   I know it’s scary and may even seem unfair, but this is the real world and it happens all the time. This judge is now in control of the outcome of your trial.

Here are a few tips to help prepare you for the Court Room experience:

First, I strongly recommend you try to settle as many issues as possible before entering the Court Room.  This means the judge won’t be in control of everything.
Do not expect the Judge will always make decisions in your favor. There are three directions the judge can go when making a decision: Your way, your spouse’s way, or the Judge’s way. As you can see, two out three are not in your favor.
Discuss how you should act, and when to speak with you attorney before going into the courtroom. Do not speak unless asked to do so by the Judge.
When addressing the Judge with respect by addressing him/her as “Your Honor.”
Never speak to or make comments to your spouse when you are before the Judge.
Leave all hostile and negative emotions at the door. Do not make faces or gestures when the judge or your spouse’s attorney is speaking. Judges see this and do not appreciate it.
Dress for success. Your attorney will have a certain strategy on how he/she wants you to be portrayed. Therefore, consult your attorney on how he/she wants you to dress.
Take notes. Don’t leave anything to chance. Your attorney will be very busy during the process and cannot remember or write everything down.
Be prepared and stay organized. Bring as much information, documentation and any pertinent documents that you possibly can with you. It is better to have too much ammunition than not enough.
Be prepared to be in the court house for some time. You will sometimes wait for hours before your case is called.

You can get more divorce tips and strategies at www.DivorceAmmo.com

Digg

Stumble Upon

Del.icio.us

Buzz