An especially nasty custody dispute has caused me to begin searching for a more constructive way to prepare parents for custody actions. I have begun to realize that a parent’s goals at the outset of a custody action can greatly influence whether or not the parties can come to a resolution that leads to productive co-parenting. I was excited to come across an article about setting goals that offers some guidance. Thank you to Dick Price of Divorce and Family Law in Tarrant County for tackling the subject.

A Win Win Custody Battle Strategy

Many times, at the start of a divorce, parents see custody of the children as an either-or situation: one parent has custody and the other is relegated to a visitation/possession schedule. In situations where both parents sincerely would like “custody”, and it’s not just a strategic move for some ulterior purpose (such as gaining more property or paying less child support), the either-or/win-lose mind set can lead to really damaging actions by both parties. In such an approach, the natural inclination, often encouraged by attorneys and friends, is to attack the other parent. Many people think they should devote a lot of energy to proving the other parent is “unfit”.

Actually, it is often true that both parents are good parents, which makes it really hard to prove each other unfit. Attacking each other is expensive in the short-term, both financially and in terms of relationships, and it’s probably not really very persuasive with a judge or jury. It’s hard to keep a good relationship with someone who is saying terrible things about you in public. Judges want to know what good parenting qualities each parent has. In reality, one of the most important factors is who has spent the most time with the children, although there can be many things that are influential.

Instead of limiting yourself to only two options, winning it all or losing, there is another, more productive way to approach the custody issue. The approach may require more maturity than some parties can muster, but, for those able to shift gears, think rationally and be patient, the following approach can be rewarding for them and their children. These steps can lead to a better solution for all, especially the children.

1. Think about, discuss and decide what your ultimate goals are for the kids. What outcomes would you like to see? Many people would want some of the following (or similar) goals:

The kids having a great relationship with both parents
The kids having a great relationship with their extended families
Financial security for the children
Having a safe, secure home for the children
Having good schools for the kids
Providing for a college education for the children
Providing sports opportunities for the children
The opportunity for the kids to learn music, art or other interests

Each parent can decide what he or she thinks would be important goals for their children. Broader, underlying goals are more helpful and meaningful. If both parents think of goals in broad terms, they often can agree on them.

2. Look at the big picture. What are the resources to work with:

Financial abilities of the parents
Parental/family member time available
What homes and schools are available and affordable
What the parents’ neighborhoods are like
The existing relationships between parents and children and the roles each parent plays with the children
What community resources are available
What special needs, if any, a child has
What interests the child has

3. Brainstorm options. Think up as many different solutions as you can. Sometimes it is helpful to get help from a parenting expert. Spend some time and try to be non-traditional or unconventional. Don’t limit yourself to “standard” solutions. Open up your thoughts to come up with some crazy ideas because they might just turn into good ideas.

4. Evaluate your options. See if they can help achieve your identified goals. Criticizing and testing your options can lead to the discovery of other ideas and can help you narrow down the choices until you are left with an idea or ideas that work.

Implementation: This process can helpful if just you do it, but it is really better if you can do it with the other parent. Collaborative Law is one way to accomplish that. This is actually a very common approach to problem-solving in Collaborative Law. Even in traditional litigation, you can use this system alone or together with the other parent. If you work on this alone, you can create a better plan to present in court or in negotiations. If both parents work together through this process, there’s an excellent chance they will reach an agreement that will be satisfactory to both parents and to the children.

Source for Post: Divorce and Family Law in Tarrant County.

Also, thanks to Kansas Divorce and Family Attorney for bringing this article to my attention

The decision to divorce can be difficult to make, particularly if children are involved. At Barrow & Weigel, our divorce lawyers strive to make our clients as comfortable as possible in this emotionally and financially challenging time. Divorce often involves complex issues, including division of assets, property and debt, child custody and visitation, and spousal support. We know that every family is unique and our attorneys approach your unique circumstances to help your divorce proceed smoothly.

Contested or Uncontested Divorce?

In Kentucky, divorces are considered “no fault,” making it easy to obtain a divorce so long as one party feels that the marriage is “irretrievably broken.” This means that, once a party has filed for a divorce, the other party can do little to prevent the divorce process from moving forward.

In an uncontested divorce, the spouses agree to divorce and can agree to all terms of the dissolution, settling all matters of property, debt, spousal support, custody and child support. In an uncontested divorce, an lawyer can draft all of the required documents and the parties can avoid going to court.  Uncontested divorce can save a considerable amount of money, as only one lawyer is necessary in most cases.  However, uncontested divorce only works when there is no issue in dispute.

A contested divorce, on the other hand, means that the couple cannot agree to the terms of the divorce. In such cases, attorneys must litigate all of the contested issues before a judge.  At Barrow & Weigel, our divorce lawyers are prepared to aggressively represent your interests and get what you want from divorce litigation.

Some counties require mediation before a case is litigated.  In mediation, the parties and their divorce attorneys meet with a mediator in an attempt to settle the outstanding issues.  The mediator, who is trained in dispute resolution, acts as a neutral third party.  All mediations are confidential, allowing the parties to express their concerns without the fear of damaging their case for litigation.  At Barrow & Weigel, our divorce lawyers are skilled at helping you reach a fair settlement in even the toughest cases.

Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative Divorce is an emerging practice that seeks to resolve divorce matters through cooperation and without going to court. In collaborative divorce, both parties work with their divorce lawyers, a financial advisor and mental health professionals as a team to address the unique needs of the family being dissolved. Because collaborative divorce stresses cooperation throughout the entire process, clients are often able to attain a better outcome than leaving vital decisions in the hands of a judge.

A bit about the author:

Barrow & Weigel, PLLC is a small Kentucky family and divorce law firm based in downtown Louisville. We proudly serve clients in the Louisville area and surrounding counties. We also offer services to out-of-state clients with family and divorce law matters originating in the Commonwealth of Kentucky.

At Barrow & Weigel, we focus our practice on family law, including Kentucky divorce and child custody matters. We know that choosing a family lawyer can be an intimidating experience. That is why we will work with you to determine the best strategy for meeting your legal goals. We offer innovative solutions to complex legal issues and strive to serve our clients with compassion. Our family and divorce lawyers will work aggressively to meet your present legal needs while preparing you for the future. For a free consultation with on of our family lawyers, call us at 502-540-1192 or use our contact form .

We have designed this site to provide information and resources to help you navigate the complex and often frustrating landscape of family law, and, particularly Kentucky divorce. In doing so, we hope that this site will serve as a guide to family law and divorce in Louisville and surrounding counties. We also hope to connect you with other sources of information about handling the ups and downs of family disputes. Nothing on this site should be considered legal advise (please read our disclaimer).

Louisville Divorce and Family Law Information

For an overview of the Kentucky divorce process, including information on mediation, spousal support, division of property and collaborative divorce, please see our divorce page. For information on preparing for divorce, marriage counseling, divorce issues concerning children and many other family law topics, visit our resource pages.

Our family and divorce lawyers proudly represent clients throughout Jefferson, Bullitt, Oldham, Trimble, Henry and Shelby counties. We are dedicated to providing cost-effective results for our clients. Give us a call at (502) 540-1192 or contact us online to learn about how we can help you. At our firm, you will always speak directly to your lawyer.